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Regions in which Roger may die

Xenon Orbital Station 4Edit

Walk off the starting screen platform edgeEdit

Roger floats off into the void of space.

Due to an obvious lack of common sense, you have stepped off the edge, lost your magnetic grip of the ship, and drifted to your death.

Now You're Free! Free Fallin'!

If it's any consolation, you found your broom as you both floated off into the vast nothingness of space!

Exit the airlock without removing your EVA suitEdit

Roger's Boss walks up to Roger

Boss: You've got a lot of nerve coming in here with your EVA suit on! That's the last straw! Turn in your mop. YOU'RE FIRED!

Well, Roger, you certainly didn't get off to a very good start. Better luck next shift.

You're FIRED!

If we had it your way, we'd all be wearing our EVA suits indoors. Thankfully, we don't.

LabionEdit

Fall into the hidden pit near the wrecked hovercraft OR fall into the pit after the rabbit reveals it.Edit

Roger falls into the pit.

Roger: Aaaaaagh!

You fall to the bottom of a (concealed/large and obvious) pit. You might have survived the fall had you not come into contact with the 30 centimeter long spikes planted vertically along the bottom of the pit.

Look Before You Leap!

The last thing that goes through your mind, besides the spikes, is that maybe you should have surveyed the area first.

Get too close to the mushrooms to the right of the crashed hovercraftEdit

The mushroom suddenly clamps down on Roger and slurps him up like spaghetti, then "smiles."

Holy geez, boy! That mushroom thing sucked you clean up! You can't move a muscle or see a speck of light.

You begin feeling waves of tingling, warmth, and moisture. Suddenly, it's not so bad in here. Wow. Check out the colors, dude.

Your body and mind enjoy the short-lived buzz that is a side effect of the lethal poison you now marinate in. You are oblivious to the end. Not a bad way to go, actually.

But it sure is early in the game. I had high hopes for you. They said, 'Who? Roger Wilco? Not a chance! That chump won't last twenty minutes!'

I said, 'No way! Roger isn't THAT lame!' So anyways, don't make ME look stupid TOO.

What a trip!

The toxic gases in here leave you with a few imaginary pals to talk to as you enjoy your fatal, but far-out, trip.

Use The Hand Icon on one of the trees north of the crashed hovercraft.Edit

Roger attempts to climb the tree, but gets stuck.

This is uncool. It looks like you've adhered yourself to this tree like a fly to fly paper. And speaking of insects, here comes a swarm now.

A swarm of yellow insect flies in, surrounding and devouring Roger until only his skeleton remains

You'll be proud to know that you have filled today's nutritional requirements for many of the local carnivorous insects. Adventuring is not always pretty.

You've found a bug!

That wasn't painful. Not. One. Bit.

Fail to hide before the hovercraft arrives.Edit

WarningEdit

You hear something. It sounds not unlike the hovercraft you wrecked in.

Too LateEdit

A hovercraft appears, and the guard on it blasts Roger, who flops over and dies.

Drats! Vohaul's troops have tracked you down and passed sentence for your escape. Tough luck, eh?

Janitor for life!

Stealth never really was a skill of yours. Then again, you don't have many skills, full stop.

Step on one of the vines of the Labion Root Monster.Edit

One of the small vines wraps around Roger. As he struggles to escape, a larger vine snatches him up. A mouth opens on the "head" of the monster, and Roger is dropped in and devoured.

Good. You've succeeded in establishing contact with one of this planet's life forms, and it looks like you'll get to examine it up close and personal. The giant root-looking thing is giving you a guided tour of it's [sic] digestive system.

What you experience next is too horrible to describe. Let's just say that you die as a result. You are dead. Trust me.

It may please you to know that, during the night, you don't digest well. For awhile, gastric distress made it extremely unpopular with the other root monsters.

If only it didn't look like a maze you'd probably be able to think a bit more outside the box.

Way to go, wingnut!

Thanks for making the gene pool a safer place. We appreciate it.

Step on one of the vines of the Labion Root Monster while the Unstable ordnance is in your possession.Edit

One of the small vines wraps around Roger. As he struggles to escape, a larger vine snatches him up. A mouth opens on the "head" of the monster, and Roger is dropped in and devoured.

Good. You've succeeded in establishing contact with one of this planet's life forms.

The Labion Root Monster suddenly swells up, then explodes.

That was unexpected! The thing exploded, taking you on a one way trip to that great garden in the sky.

If only it didn't look like a maze you'd probably be able to think a bit more out of the box.

You were half right.

Your self-sacrifice won't go unnoticed by the many lifeforms of Labion. Too bad you won't be around to appreciate it.

Set the Labion Rabbit with Unstable Ordinance in the wrong spot.Edit

Roger sets the dead rabbit down, but it explodes, killing him.

Going out with a bang.

That bunny packed one heck of a punch. Perhaps you should have tried that somewhere safer.

Try to walk under the arched vine of the Labion Root Monster.Edit

The vine wraps around Roger and squeezes him until he's crushed to pieces.

Another senseless tragedy.

You can help prevent this. Vote Yes on Lobotomies for Adventure Game Designers.

Walk through the swamp without using the berries on yourself.Edit

Ripples follow Roger, then suddenly a tentacle snags him, pulling him underwater.

The swamp monster attacks you with its slimy tenticles [sic]. You struggle in vain to free yourself.

Unfortunately, your desire to breathe results in the intake of a large quantity of swamp water. If the lack of oxygen hadn't killed you, the taste of the putrid water would have.

You're dead. Better luck next time, Roger.

Beware the tentacles!

Not being able to breathe really sucks, doesn't it?

Stay underwater too long after diving into the swamp.Edit

You can't go on. You do not have enough oxygen in your lungs. You panic! The need for oxygen causes you to become irrational.

Roger flails around underwater

Your desire for air causes you to inhale large quantities of water, which results in suffocation.

Glug glug glug.

Hell, I know a guy who can hold his breath for 10 minutes.

Walk off the edge of the fissure.Edit

Roger blithely walks off the edge and plummets to his doom.

You smoothly step off anything that will support your weight.

Gravity has its way with you and you are sucked to the depths of the fissure at a very high rate of speed. Needless to say, you hit the bottom and your mortal remains are redimensioned to the point where life is no longer an option.

Will you never learn?

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Talk to the hunter three times.Edit

After the first timeEdit

Roger: Um, hi. My name is Roger, Roger Wilco.

Hunter: Growl!

After the second timeEdit

Roger: There's obviously been some mistake here. Can you let me out of this cage?

The hunter stands and takes a long look in your direction.

His face, though strange in its own right, bears an expression one might see on a freak show patron.

The hunter walks over.

Talk to him a third time, or do nothing.Edit

if you choose to talk Roger: What are you going to do to me?

Regardless, the hunter opens the cage, grabs Roger by the throat, carries him over to the fire, rams a stick through him, and holds him over the fire.

The hunter has decided that its a perfect day for a barbecue. As he slowly turns you over the fire, you begin to turn a beautiful golden brown. Death follows at an agonizingly long distance.

Cooking with Roger Wilco

You thought the way he handled that was in bad taste.

Throw the spore at the hunter, then fail to escape before the paralysis wears off.Edit

Roger chucks the spore, which bursts when it hits the ground. The hunter grabs his throat, and falls to the ground.

Upon impact with the ground, the spore opens and spews its dust into the air. The hunter falls to the ground paralyzed.

If Roger is still around when the hunter regains mobility, the hunter walks over to Roger, grabs him by the throat, carries him over to the fire, jams a stick through him, and holds him over the fire.

The hunter has decided that it's a perfect day for a barbecue. As he slowly turns you over the fire, you begin to turn a beautiful golden brown. Death follows at an agonizingly long distance.

Cooking with Roger Wilco

You thought the way he handled that was in bad taste.

Walk off the ledge after escaping from the hunter.Edit

Roger blithely steps off the edge and plummets to his doom.

Gravity sucks.

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Wait around too long on the screen north of the hunter's camp.Edit

A hovercraft flies up, and the guard on it shoots Roger, who flops over and dies.

Drats! Vohaul's troops have tracked you down and passed sentence for your escape. Tough luck, eh?

Way to get Zapped, Wingnut.

Your new hairstyle is shocking to say the least, Roger.

Tie the rope to the stump.Edit

You tie the rope to the stump and unroll it down into the chasm.

You head over the edge and down the rope.

Roger heads down the rope and into the chasm. As he nears the end of the rope, however...

It looks like that stump wasn't a good thing to tie on to.

...the stump rips free and it, the rope, and Roger plummet into the chasm.

Stumped.

Once again, you've demonstrated your inability to sustain life. You quickly glance around the room to see if anyone saw you blow it.

Climb too far down the ropeEdit

Roger runs out of rope and plummets into the chasm.

You reach the end of the rope. This has a negative effect on your resistance to the urging of gravity.

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Click left or right while hanging on the ropeEdit

Roger lets go of the rope and plummets into the chasm.

You release your grip on the rope. This has a negative effect on your resistance to the urging of gravity.

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Click the jump button at the wrong time.Edit

Your timing causes you to jump when the rope is at its least helpful point. Gravity beckons.

Roger lets go of the rope and plummets into the chasm.

Due to the unyielding nature of solid ground, especially when struck from 50 meters, you now bear the dimensions of a manhole cover.

It's all about the timing.

Let's work on that swing, shall we, Roger?

Swing on the rope too long without jumping.Edit

Roger is snagged by the monster on the other side of the chasm.

He who hesitates is lost. You gave that guy one chance too many and he seized the opportunity, not to mention you. You are consumed in two quick bites.

Dirty stinking ape!

If you didn't monkey around, you wouldn't be in this mess.

Walk off the ledge after landing on it.Edit

Roger blithely walks off the ledge and plummets to his doom.

It's so hard to treat you seriously when you walk off a perfectly obvious ledge like that. Come on! There's plenty more imaginative death scenes later in the game.

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Walk into the cave without a light source.Edit

You hear the sound of many small, scratchy footsteps moving toward you!

Roger: Owww!

GNASH!

GROWL!

CRUNCH!

SNAP!

You have just been felled by a Killer Cave Beaver! You now know the meaning of excruciating when used in reference to level of pain.

Way to go, Wingnut!

Once again, you've demonstrated your inability to sustain life. You quickly glance around the room to see if anyone saw you blow it.

Fall into the lair of the Pinkunz without having saved the one from the snare.Edit

The Pinkunz fire rocks at Roger, killing him.

Yow! These guys seem to dislike you intensely. Using slings and very hard and sharp rocks, they have reduced you to a battered corpse.

SPEAR'D

Things just have a way on going right through you, Roger.

Wait too long in the dark caves without a light source.Edit

It really IS dark in here.

Unfortunatly [sic], there's no way back up Roger. You're doomed to spend the rest of your life here, in the dark.

At least you're not alone...

Way to go, wingnut!

Thanks for making the gene pool a safer place. We appreciate it.

Take the left fork in the water, then go over the waterfall.Edit

Roger: ARGH!

SPLAT

After caroming off of a pair of rock outcroppings, you find a final resting place at the base of the falls.

Not a smooth choice.

I bet you wish you went the other way.

Get caught by the Labion Terror BeastEdit

Roger gets caught up in the Labion Terror's Beasts Tornado and is shredded.

Well, ain't that a hoot. That guy reduced you to a multi-colored mount of coleslaw-like matter.

Better than a Murphco Slice-O-Matic. You are dead, however.

Th-th-that's all, folks!

Boy, that really really hurt. And you were doing so well.

Get spotted by the platform guardEdit

The guard blasts Roger, who flops over and dies.

Dang.

Allowing the guard to observe you was not very swift. He has disassembled you, probably adding a little excitement to his otherwise dull day.

Janitor for life!

Stealth never really was a skill of yours. Then again, you don't have many skills, full stop.

Use the Rock on the guard unassisted.Edit

You throw the rock in the direction of the guard. Unfortunatly [sic], it falls well short of it's [sic] target. The guard responds by firing in the direction he thought it came from.

The guard blasts Roger, who flops over and dies.

Doesn't that bite!? The guard caught a glimpse when you chucked the rock and, with impressive accuracy, wasted you.

Another senseless tragedy.

You can help prevent this. Vote Yes on Lobotomies for Adventure Game Designers.

Talk to the guard without being under the platform.Edit

You call out a universal expletive.

The guard blasts Roger, who flops over and dies.

The being fires in the general direction of the sound. Unfortunately, that happens to be where you are. You know the rest.

Another senseless tragedy.

You can help prevent this. Vote Yes on Lobotomies for Adventure Game Designers.

Go back down the elevator after going up it.Edit

You head back down to the lower level. Unfortunately, you are met by an armed guard. You have been quite a headache. To make it up to them, you are strung between two hovercraft. On the command 'GO', life leaves you (in two different directions).

Way to get zapped, Roger.

Your new hairstyle is shocking to say the least, Roger.

Turn on the power and the thrusters of the shuttles, set it for vertical motion, then push the lever up.Edit

Because you are terminally weak above the shoulders, you guide the ship into the ground.

Crash Course

You've unsuccessfully guided your ship back into Labion. Way into Labion.

Vohaul's AsteroidEdit

Walk off the catwalk in the docking bay.Edit

Roger blithely walks off the catwalk and plummets to his doom.

It's a short step to the end of the game for you. You're no Buddy Ebsen.

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Get run over by the Scrub-O-MaticEdit

Roger is sucked into the Scrub-O-Matic and is reduced to a bloody mess.

It looks like you have been formally introduced to the floor waxer. You now consist of a very thing, yet glossy, floor covering.

Too bad. You seemed to be making relatively good progress.

You missed a spot.

Look on the bright side, you've never smelt better.

Show Marvin the CardEdit

Marvin: That looks like a weapon.

Marvin shoots laser eyes, putting a hole in Roger's chest, or slices his head off with a built-in knife, either way, Roger dies.

'How could he see that as a weapon' you ponder to yourself as the life drains from your body.

Brain the size of a planet...

There's probably a reason he's paranoid, Roger.

Eat the Monolith BurgerEdit

Roger eats the Monolith Burger. He suddenly pukes up his internal organs, then flops over dead.

Ailing Vomit

What do they put in those burgers? Best stick to regular human food.

Use the lighter while in the bathroomEdit

The camera switches to the outside of Vohaul's Asteroid. An explosion ensues, and Roger is seen getting launched to his doom in space.

Life's a blast, and then you die.

Didn't your mother tell you not to play with fire?

Get kissed by the Spiny Alien Thang then continueEdit

Oh No! One of the cells is opening. Who knows what unspeakable horror waits behind those steel bars?

The cell opens, and the Spiny Alien Thang walks out, picks up Roger, pulls him in for a huge kiss, then sets him down again.

Roger: OH, YUCK!!

The dark and spiny beast with massive red lips grabs you up and, after a longing glance, proceeds (don't read further if the phrase 'French Kiss' bothers you) to plant a very moist french kiss on you.

You are left quite stunned.

A bit later, Roger clutches his stomach as it begins to bulge strangely, then a newborn Spiny Alien Thang bursts out, killing Roger.

Oh Roger, you're a mother!

Not again!

You had a funny feeling that was going to happen.

Get too close to the cell with the hand reaching outEdit

The hand takes a swipe and knocks Roger's head off.

Youch! You feel alarmingly lightheaded!

Apparently, you were aprime focal point for some aggression channeling by one of the caged creatures.

Your headless composition indicates that your attacker possesses considerable strength, a good guy to avoid in the future.

Of course, you are damaged beyond repair and the game must end. You've made quite a bit of progress, though. Don't start screwing up now.

Way to go, wingnut!

Once again, you've demonstrated your inability to sustain life. You quickly glance around the room to see if anyone saw you blow it.

Fall into the pool of acidEdit

Roger tries to go one way, but a barrier cuts him off.

A barrier springs up before you!

Roger tries to go the other way, but another barrier cuts him off.

Another barrier stands in your way!

You feel the floor shift below you! It's moving to the left!

The floor begins to shift, revealing a pool of acid beneath. Roger eventually runs out of floor and the acid begins to dissolve his legs. Roger falls over and is completely dissolved.

Imagine, if you will, taking a bath in sulphuric acid and using pumice for a washcloth. After that bit of displeasure passes, it gets much worse as the acid slowly eats its way to the last critical organs. Finally, merciful, death takes you.

That's gotta sting.

Let's think. How would a janitor get himself out of this situation?

Use the plunger too early.Edit

Roger sticks the plunger to the wall and hangs from it.

Using formerly uncharacteristic creativity, you apply the suction cup-like plunger to the smooth metal finish and hang on for dear life! Once a janitor, always a janitor!

After a while, though...

You can hang on no longer, your grip weakens...

Roger drops off the plunger and is dissolved by the acid.

Imagine, if you will, taking a bath in sulphuric acid and using pumice for a washcloth. After that bit of displeasure passes, it gets much worse as the acid slowly eats its way to the last critical organs. Finally, merciful death takes you.

That's gotta sting.

Let's think. How would a janitor get himself out of this situation?

Get caught by a WallbotEdit

You have made the mistake of getting within what looks to be a cattle prods length of the metal menace.

A flame throwing weapon connected to an extension arm reaches from its body, and makes contact with you. That's when you begin feeling the intense burst of heat pulsing through your body.

The Wallbot fires a flamethrower at Roger, turning him into ashes.

As you can see, you amount to little more than a hill of laser-fried beans. You've come a long way only to be torched. Keep up the fine work.

Way to get Zapped, Wingnut.

Your new hairstyle is shocking to say the least, Roger.

Light the Wastebasket while the Wallbot is too close.Edit

You have made the mistake of getting within what looks to be a cattle prods length of the metal menace.

A flame throwing weapon connected to an extension arm reaches from its body, and makes contact with you. That's when you begin feeling the intense burst of heat pulsing through your body.

The Wallbot fires a flamethrower at Roger, turning him into ashes.

While receiving a nice hosing yourself, the basket fire is extinguished. Seconds later, a loud series of pops is followed by the smell of fried electronics.

Unfortunately, it's too late for you!

The sprinklers sense accomplishment and cease operation.

As you can see, you amount to little more than a hill of laser-fried beans. You've come a long way only to be torched. Keep up the fine work.

Way to get Zapped, Wingnut.

Your new hairstyle is shocking to say the least, Roger.

Walk off the console after being miniaturized.Edit

Roger blithely walks off the console and plummets to his doom.

Ack, you died!

It's a long way down!

That's one small step for you Roger, one major trauma for your head.

Walk to the Keyboard before shutting off the life support.Edit

Vohaul raises a fist and smashes Roger.

Darn it Roger. I guess His Lardness got a little fed up with your meddling. You've been redesigned once again revealing a permanent overhead view.

You resemble one of those wonderfully colorful mosaics commonly found on windshields.

Once a janitor, always a janitor.

Stealth never really was a skill of yours. Then again, you don't have many skills full stop.

Type "reduce" into the console, then return to the glass jar.Edit

Roger is hit by the beam again, then disappears.

By already being in a miniaturised form and setting the beam to reduce, you are now too small to exist.

That wasn't too swift on your part. Too bad.

Wrong command, dude.

There are just some things you can't afford to have smaller.

Walk through the pipes without putting the oxygen mask on.Edit

A section of the glass tubing has fractured from combined stress. The pressurised atmosphere rushes for the relative vacuum of space.

Roger chokes and gasps for air, then his head swells up and explodes. His headless body drops to the floor.

Due to the effect of the air rushing by you to get out the hole, the air in your lungs is sucked out and you find it impossible to get more. You weren't really THAT close to the end of the game anyway. No big loss.

Asphyxiation Sensation!

Space air just doesn't have the same kind of affect on you.

Get caught by the Vohaul Marrow-Matic.Edit

This ain't gonna be pretty.

The Vohaul Marrow-Matic blasts Roger, who disintegrates.

As the beam of light from the droid guard hits you, you begin to feel a rather curious sensation. Unfortunately you don't have the time to figure out what the sensation is before you die.

Another senseless tragedy.

You can help prevent this. Vote Yes on Lobotomies for Adventure Game Designers.

Let the Self-Destruct Timer hit 0:00Edit

Self-Destruct Announcer: Have a nice day.

Roger Wilco: Goodbye, world!

The asteroid begins to shake as it enters Labion's atmosphere.

More bad news, Roger Wilco, the asteroid's orbit has finally decayed to the point where contact with the molecular contents of Labion's upper atmosphere have been achieved.

The result of this friction is a tremendous heat build-up. Despite being a very dense chunk of matter, the asteroid flames out, broiling you with it. Another victim in the heartless universe of adventure.

Another senseless tragedy.

you can help prevent this. Vote Yes on Lobotomies for Adventure Game Designers.

Escape in the escape pod without cancelling the Salesman LaunchEdit

PHEWW! You're going to have to stop cutting these escapes so close, Roger.

Well, you must feel pretty good right now. You stopped Vohaul from carrying out his threat of salesman infestation, ultimatly destroying the twisted scientist himself.

You also managed to save your own skin.

And just look at that score! Pretty darned impressive!

Unfortunately, you failed to stop the launch of the clones dooming Xenon to the most horrible of fates! Way to go, Roger!

Way to go, wingnut!

Once again, you've demonstrated your inability to sustain life. You quickly glance around the room to see if anyone saw you blow it.

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