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MessagesEdit

0.msgEdit

6 17 0 1 99 The button lists the various life forms that helped create Space Quest Six. 0 4 0 1 99 Don't touch that. We don't know where you've been. 0 4 0 2 99 It feels slightly gritty. You suppress an urge to dust it. 0 4 0 3 99 Don't pick at it, you'll only make it worse. 0 26 0 1 99 Excellent guess, Kreskin. Wrong, but excellent. 0 26 0 2 99 As cool as it would be to interface these two items, no good would come of it. 0 26 0 3 99 It probably seemed like a good idea to you at one time. 0 1 0 1 99 It looks a lot more detailed than it did in SQ4, that's for sure. 0 1 0 2 99 It hurts your eyes to look at that. In fact, you feel a major headache coming on. 0 1 0 3 99 You display your standard blank stare, but it is unimpressed. 0 2 0 1 99 You start to say something, and then you remember that you're supposed to be a man of action, not words. (Or is that the other way around?) 0 2 0 2 99 You drool in that direction, but no one notices. 0 2 0 3 99 Your utterances fall on uninterested aural organs. 24 17 0 1 99 This button brings up the Control Panel, allowing you to save or restore games, change volume and speed, and some other stuff. 14 17 0 1 99 This control adjusts the amount of onscreen animation. If the game is very slow on your machine, try lowering this. 21 17 0 1 99 The "Hands" button allows you to pick up items, open or close things, push or pull them, or manipulate them in some appropriate, or inappropriate, fashion. 28 17 0 1 99 This button allows you to exit the current window. 7 17 0 1 99 This button allows you to find out what these controls do. 23 17 0 1 99 This button allows you to get an explanation of what each button on the interface does. 27 0 2 1 8 Continue 27 0 3 1 8 Quit 27 0 4 1 8 Skip 27 0 1 1 8 Introduction paused 26 17 0 1 99 Click on the "Pockets" button at any time to see what you're carrying with you. 5 17 0 1 99 Push here to load a previously saved game. 20 17 0 1 99 Clicking on the "Eyes" button brings up the eye cursor, which you may then click on to get a description of that item. 16 17 0 1 99 This changes the music volume. 12 17 0 1 99 Push this button when you're done with whatever was so important that you had to pause. 11 17 0 1 99 Pushing this button exits the game. 18 0 0 1 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Please hold your applause until the end of the demo. 18 0 0 2 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Have you played OUTPOST, by veteran game designer Bruce "The Brunette Fog" Balfour? It's not bad. 18 0 0 3 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Don't applaud. Just send Pentiums. 18 0 0 4 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Captain! There be DOS prompts here! 18 0 0 5 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Roger Wilco has left the building. 18 0 0 6 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

Thank you for playing the Space Quest VI Demo.

Just keep telling yourself: it's only a demo...it's only a demo... 18 0 5 1 8 Copyright (c) 1994 Sierra On-Line, Inc. Copyright (c) 1994 Screw Loose Amusements, Inc.

You have saved the Galaxy from a minor demo-level inconvenience. I suppose a "thank you" is in order. Thank you. 10 17 0 1 99 Careful! This control makes the game start all the way over from the beginning. 4 17 0 1 99 Press this button to save your current place in the adventure. 15 17 0 1 99 This button gives you control of the volume of the sound effects. 8 17 0 1 99 This button instantly cues the staff of Hollywood actors we have standing by to start acting the game out loud. Press it again, and they'll "take five." 13 17 0 1 99 This button allows you to control the speed of this game. 22 17 0 1 99 Clicking the "Mouth" button brings up the mouth cursor. If you click the mouse cursor on a person, you'll talk to that person; if you click it on an object, you might chew it, lick it, or perform some other mouth-oriented action - within reason. 17 17 0 1 99 This button allows you to adjust the speed at which the text messages are displayed. 9 17 0 1 99 Press this button when you want to see text messages. Press it again when you don't. 25 17 0 1 99 Clicking on the object shown in this window (if any) will give you the cursor for that object, allowing you to give it to something, or someone, or just proudly display it. 19 17 0 1 99 Clicking this button brings up the "Feet" cursor. This cursor allows you to move around Roger's world.

15.msgEdit

0 26 0 1 99 Nothing happens. See, most games would just give you a generic response when you try something useless like that, but we've custom tailored this response exaclty for you. 0 26 0 2 99 Careful! Combining those items might cause a rip in the space-time continuum - a tear in the very fabric of space itself. (Or not.) 0 26 0 3 99 In this galaxy, those two items don't do anything together. Maybe it's different in your neck of the woods. 0 27 0 1 99 Don't even bother looking in your pockets. You are carrying nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch. 9 0 1 1 1 It's the Lemon Sorbet BioConverter button. I'll press it and see what happens. 9 0 1 2 1 Nothing happens. Maybe it'll work if I get closer to his power supply. 9 4 0 1 1 I think I'll give this a push and see what happens. 9 1 0 1 1 Alright, I got his belt! I hope this guy - or whatever it is - isn't gonna be too ticked-off at me for taking it. 9 25 0 1 1 This belt is seamless, screwless and impervious to anything I try. Looks like even I can't break it. Now, that's amazing! 12 20 0 1 1 That's strange. It didn't do anything. I guess Bjorn Chow isn't a power source. 12 4 0 1 1 I guess there's nothing useful in there. I guess that's no surprise. That stuff is seriously gross! 12 22 0 1 1 That didn't help anything. What was I thinking? 12 22 0 2 1 I can't remember. Oh well, what's new. 12 21 0 1 1 I guess after all that work, it wouldn't be too smart to put the ClapMaster\05 in that disgusting protein-and-metal slurry. It's not like that's ever stopped me before. Oh well, time to move on. 12 1 0 1 1 Mmmmm, freshly-replicated Bjorn Chow, chock full of nuts and bolts. And I thought MY eating habits were bad. 12 23 0 1 1 No, I guess that pin would make a lousy fork. 12 24 0 1 1 Nah, none of these chunks appeal to me. 12 25 0 1 1 13 19 0 1 1 Smearing that tiny bit of Bjorn Chow on the ClapMaster\05 didn't help. It still doesn't work. 13 4 0 1 1 Pressing, pushing, prodding doesn't help. Maybe it's because one of the pins from the plug is gone. 13 22 0 1 1 Guess that's not going to help. Maybe it's because there's a crucial piece of hardware missing. 13 1 0 1 1 Well, I've got my ClapMaster\05, which appears intact except for a pin that's missing from the plug. When the ClapMaster\05 is working, it's a convenient way to turn your lights on and off by clapping your hands. 13 1 0 2 1 Or whenever a freighter warps by. 13 1 0 3 1 Or when I cough. 13 23 0 1 1 Cool! I didn't think that would work. Go figure. 13 23 0 2 1 Gosh, I guess I've proven that I have the ability to be more than just a mediocre janitor. I could also be a mediocre electrician! 13 24 0 1 1 Darn. I guess pliering the broken ClapMaster\05 isn't helping things. 13 25 0 1 1 15 19 0 1 1 A smidgen of the Bjorn Chow stuck to the duct tape. I don't think that's going to help anything though. Bummer. 15 20 0 1 1 Pressing the broken ClapMaster\05 against the duct tape didn't help. 15 20 0 2 1 Oh well. Sometimes you just have to try these things. 15 4 0 1 1 It feels thick and sticky enough to seal leaks, insulate against electricity. 15 1 0 1 1 That's my roll of duct tape. 15 24 0 1 1 Something seems right about this. Maybe I just have it backwards. 14 19 0 1 1 Nah, even I know that's not a good idea. 14 4 0 1 1 I think I have it fixed. I guess pushing and prodding it isn't going to make it any better. 14 1 0 1 1 It's the Clap Master\05 I so ingeniously (and temporarily) repaired. 14 24 0 1 1 I guess it's as repaired as it's going to get. 14 25 0 1 1 11 17 0 1 99 This turns on the inventory "Help," which is already turned on, which is why you're getting this message. 6 17 0 1 99 Click here to bring up an arrow cursor. If you click the arrow on any of your inventory items, that item will become "active," ready to use. 20 17 0 1 99 This button scrolls your inventory window down - only when you have more than eight inventory items. 7 17 0 1 99 Click on this "Eye" button to bring up an "Eye" cursor, which you may then click on the inventory items to receive descriptions of them. 8 17 0 1 99 Click on this to bring up the Inventory Hand, which lets you turn on, turn off, open, close, or otherwise manipulate the inventory items. 10 17 0 1 99 Click here to return to active gameplay, rather than mucking about here in Inventory Help. 21 17 0 1 99 This marker shows your viewing position in relation to the entire size of the inventory window. Got that? 19 17 0 1 99 This button scrolls your inventory window up - only when you have more than eight inventory items. 16 19 0 1 1 I guess there's no reason to dump the Bjorn Chow on the plug pin. It might look cool, but I have more important things to do right at the moment. 16 20 0 1 1 So close, so close! Maybe it would help if I were a little more dyslexic. 16 4 0 1 1 It doesn't fit, but it leaves a neat circular impression -- rather like a small blister -- on the tip of my pinky. 16 1 0 1 1 I think this is one of the pins from the ClapMaster\05's plug. 16 1 0 2 1 Ain't she a beaut? 16 25 0 1 1 I guess I really won't need to bend the pin. It's in perfect shape already. 17 19 0 1 1 Cool! I can hide the pliers under the Bjorn chow and it looks like it's not even there! 17 20 0 1 1 Whacking the ClapMaster\05 against the pliers a few times doesn't seem to help. 17 4 0 1 1 I guess they do ply properly. It's always a good idea to make sure your equipment works. 17 22 0 1 1 I think I'll try imitating some of the smarter maintenance engineers I've observed through the years and wrap the duct tape around the plier's handles. 17 21 0 1 1 Yikes. I'd better be careful not to break it after I've fixed it. 17 21 0 2 1 I'm usually at the destruction end of things. I need to cherish this accomplishment. 17 1 0 1 1 This pair of StarCon pliers cost 545 buckazoids. 18 18 0 1 1 The belt is too large to be wrapped around the pliers. I'll have to try something else. 18 19 0 1 1 18 20 0 1 1 18 4 0 1 1 Yep, even with the tape wrapped around the plier's handles, they still ply properly. 18 21 0 1 1 18 1 0 1 1 I think wrapping the aluminium pliers with duct tape makes them relatively safe for handling live electrical components. 18 23 0 1 1 Oh yeah. I already did that.

20.msgEdit

1 18 0 1 99 You don't need to WEAR it, you just need to USE it. 1 19 0 1 99 You're not that hungry. In fact, you've never been THAT hungry. 1 20 0 1 99 We wouldn't even want to predict where you think that plug goes! 1 4 0 1 99 You pinch yourself to make sure this isn't all a bad dream. 1 22 0 1 99 Not a bad idea if you're trying to take yourself hostage! 1 21 0 1 99 1 1 0 1 99 You're back in your comfy, reassuring janitorial duds. 1 23 0 1 99 You're already holding the prong. Did you want to insert it into some sort of orifice? 1 24 0 1 1 Ouch! I pinched myself with the pliers! That was stupid of me! 1 2 0 1 1 I hope I never get so far gone that I end up talking to myself like this. 1 25 0 1 1

24.msgEdit

2 0 4 1 8 Where to, guy? 2 0 2 1 8 RESTORE 2 0 5 1 8 BRIDGE 2 0 5 2 8 SHUTTLE BAY 2 0 5 3 8 SHUTTLE 2 0 5 4 8 QUARTERS 2 0 5 5 8 8 REAR 2 0 5 6 8 INTRO 2 0 7 1 8 SQVI DEMO

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26 4 0 1 1 I guess I shouldn't pick up the scoop of Commander Sorbet. He'll only melt faster. 26 1 0 1 1 It's Commander Kielbasa! And he's melting, melting, oh what a world, what a world... 26 2 0 1 1 Just so you know, I think you make a lousy Commander. You're impatient, gruff, rude, crude, and barely housebroken. 26 2 0 2 1 I like you much better as sorbet. This way, you're pleasant and lemony, with no aftertaste and just a hint of mint. 26 2 0 3 1 I hope you don't remember any of what I said when, and if, I rescue you. 4 4 0 1 99 Feels plush and comfy. Maybe if you get to be a Captain again someday, you'll get a nice scratching post/command center like this one. 4 4 0 2 99 Yeah, and you'll be on the cover of JQ! 4 1 0 1 99 That's Commander Kielbasa's command center. 4 1 0 2 99 No, wait, it's his scratching post! 4 1 0 3 99 No, it's his command center! 4 1 0 4 99 Scratching post! 4 1 0 5 99 Wait, kids, don't fight...it's BOTH! 4 2 0 1 1 All fleas, abandon ship! All fleas, abandon ship! 7 4 0 1 99 What are you going to do, play MORE DULL KOMBAT? 7 1 0 1 99 With these controls, Commander Kielbasa can override navigational subsystems, access shipwide computer functions, perform sensor sweeps, and get to Level Six of "Super Nunzio World." 7 2 0 1 1 Computer, what's the airspeed velocity of a laden swallow? 7 2 0 2 2 African or European? 7 2 0 3 1 I don't know! 10 4 0 1 1 I'd better not sit down here. This isn't my station and I'm already in deep enough with StarCon. 10 1 0 1 99 Fortunately, these bridge substation chairs were "ergonomically designed." 10 1 0 2 99 Unfortunately, they were ergonomically designed by the Catharsians, a race of humanoids with only one buttock. Oof. 10 2 0 1 99 If you're so desperate for conversation that you'd talk to empty chairs, maybe you should just shut off the computer and pick up the phone. 5 4 0 1 99 Yeah, you rearrange the Commander's chair and he'll rearrange YOU. 5 1 0 1 99 With these controls, Commander Kielbasa can adjust the elevation, tilt, rotation and firmness level of his command center. 5 1 0 2 99 And if you put in a quarter, it'll massage 320 different accupressure points. 5 2 0 1 1 Rotate 60 degrees! Tilt forward 22 degrees! Hard to starboard! Evasive maneuvers! 5 2 0 2 99 Apparently the Command Center only responds to Kielbasa's commands. 21 4 0 1 1 Clapping at the plugged-in ClapMaster\05 doesn't seem to help. Perhaps I've got to plug the other end into something first. 21 1 0 1 1 The fixed ClapMaster\05 is plugged into the power source. Now if I can just figure out what to do with it, I'll be all set. 21 2 0 1 1 Hey, "Clap!" 21 2 0 2 1 Did you hear me? I said, "Clap!" 21 2 0 3 1 Hmmm. Maybe I need to do something with the other end of this thing. And maybe I actually need to clap rather than to just say it. 1 1 0 1 99 This is the Computer Post, or "ComPost" for short. Most common computer functions can be accessed from these terminals, including convenient pneumatic room-to-room transportation. 1 1 0 2 99 (Not recommended for pregnant lifeforms or beings with heart conditions!) 1 2 0 1 1 ComPost, heel! 1 2 0 2 99 It doesn't respond. It's not voice-activated. Maybe sometime in the distant future! 19 4 0 1 1 Naaah, I shouldn't take the Lemon Sorbet Science Officer. He'll just end up squished in my pocket. 19 4 0 2 1 Like that lab rat from Sickbay I, uh, "befriended" a few days ago. Poor little guy. 19 1 0 1 1 How hideous! The Science Officer has been reduced to a scoop of light, lemony sorbet. 19 1 0 2 1 Hopefully, I can restore him back to normal IF I can get that weird belt from that Bjorn invader. 19 2 0 1 1 How are you feeling? 19 2 0 2 1 Funny, he doesn't respond. Oh well, he was rude to me when he was in his non-sorbet state. 16 20 0 1 1 There's something not quite right about the ClapMaster\05. I guess I won't be able to plug it in until I've fixed the problem. 16 4 0 1 1 My highly-developed instincts for self-preservation prevent me from foolishly sticking my fingers in the socket. What are you trying to do, kill me? 16 1 0 1 1 Somebody provided a power socket here. How thoughtful! How convenient! 16 2 0 1 1 I hate you! You're just a dumb socket! 16 2 0 2 1 Hmmm. That's a good outlet for my emotions! 18 4 0 1 1 Whoa. I'd better be careful! I almost squished the Communications Officer. 18 1 0 1 1 There's nothing left of the Communications Officer but a small scoop of lemon sorbet. What a shame! But at least he died with his palate refreshed. 18 2 0 1 1 Apparently having suddenly been reduced to an orthagonal block of semi-organic packing material, the Communications Officer is in a pensive mood and doesn't wish to talk to me. Oh well, he wasn't a very good conversationalist anyway. 20 0 0 1 1 I guess I'm the only crewmember who hasn't been transformed into a scoop of lemon sorbet. Maybe I should look around a little more. 2 4 0 1 1 Wait a minute, this doesn't feel like the REAL Deepship 86! This must be one of those el-cheapo demo models! 2 1 0 1 99 This is the bridge, the very nerve center, of the SCS Deepship 86. 2 1 0 2 99 The enormous Deepship cost millions of buckazoids to build, stretches on and on seemingly without end, and limps along at a snail's pace. 2 1 0 3 99 Sort of like the first Star Trek movie! 2 2 0 1 1 I hope they get the real Space Quest 6 out soon so I can get out of this stupid demo! 15 4 0 1 1 Boy, this baby's building up a nasty stench. It's time for some deodorizer. 15 4 0 2 1 Mmmmm! Springtime fresh! 15 1 0 1 99 These new kitty litter boxes use warp-plasma redundancy circuits to release concentrated air freshener gradually...for up to 45 days. 15 2 0 1 99 It responds automatically to foul scents. You can't activate it by talking to it. 15 2 0 2 99 (Unless you're close enough for it to smell your breath.) 6 4 0 1 99 Not on a bet. 6 1 0 1 99 It's Commander Kielbasa's kitty litter box. This is where he makes most of his best command decisions. 6 1 0 2 99 Not to mention all of his log entries! 6 2 0 1 1 Attention, litterbox! This is Roger Wilco, do you read me? 11 4 0 1 99 Occupado! 11 1 0 1 99 This is the Engineering Station, where the power grids and engines are constantly monitored to make sure they're within StarCon spec. 11 1 0 2 99 Or at least somewhere around a point close to an approximation of the same general idea of StarCon spec. 11 2 0 1 99 The Engineering station is set to listen to voice commands from authorized personnel only, and you are as unauthorized as can be. 12 4 0 1 99 You activate the Level 1 Pattern Detector. 12 4 0 2 99 Hmm, game number one in a series sells 50,000 copies. Game number two in the series sells 100,000 copies. Game number three sells 150,000 copies. Game number four sells 200,000 copies. Games number five sells 250,000 copies. 12 4 0 3 99 You're detecting a definite pattern here! 12 1 0 1 99 This is the Science Station, housing the advanced sensor systems, extended computer reference modules, and pattern detectors. 12 2 0 1 99 This Science station is a ready source of information on just about any topic in the universe. 12 2 0 2 99 Thus you are absolutely incapable of carrying on an intelligent conversation with it. 13 4 0 1 99 You perform a quick structural integrity scan, followed by a sweep for subspace particle emissions, and finish with a Level 3 diagnostic. 13 4 0 2 1 I liked pushing the green button best! 13 1 0 1 99 The engineering and tactical displays respond to intelligent voice commands. 13 1 0 2 1 Maybe if the Security Officer had been monitoring his station instead of playing 2-D chess with Dr. Flathead in 8-Rear, the Bjorn wouldn't have been able to take over the ship. And they thought I was a slacker. 13 2 0 1 99 The Engineering and Tactical displays respond to intelligent voice commands. 13 2 0 2 99 Guess you're out of luck. 14 4 0 1 99 Don't mess with the Communications post until you've learned basic punctuation. 14 1 0 1 99 This is the Communications station. All intraship, ship-to-ship, and ship-to-surface communications are routed through this terminal... 14 1 0 2 99 ...except when the Communications officer is too busy leaving juvenile "my M-5 Multitronic Unit is more powerful than YOUR old Daystrom Laptop" messages on Internut! 14 2 0 1 1 Lemon is a good color for you. 17 20 0 1 1 I've almost got an idea there, except for a couple of problems. For instance, I need to plug the ClapMaster\05 into a socket to get it to work, and the nearest socket is too far away. 17 20 0 2 1 My ClapMaster\05 isn't quite up to snuff, either. 17 20 0 3 1 Other than that, I think I've done well. If I don't tell me these things, no one will. 17 4 0 1 1 Maybe that's not a good idea. He might want to assimilate me. 17 4 1 1 1 Alright! It's his super-cool Lemon Sorbet BioConverter belt. 17 4 2 1 1 It's probably best not to prod the Bjorn while he's eating. I might just draw back a stump. 17 4 3 1 1 What a slob. There's some half-eaten Bjorn Chow on his uniform, but there's plenty more where that came from, so there's no sense in taking it. 17 1 0 1 1 This appears to be the head Bjorn. He's either draining energy from the pattern buffers, or absorbing all the information stored in the computer by bombarding it with nucleonic radiation. 17 1 0 2 1 I hate it when that happens. 17 1 0 3 1 There's a curious socket of some sort, just below the toaster mounted on his head. 17 1 2 1 1 Neat! The Bjorn, smelling that fragrant plate of glop 'n hardware, is chowin' down. 17 1 3 1 1 YES! I've successfully turned off the Bjorn by plugging him into...well, you obviously know how I did it. 17 2 0 1 1 No, I sure don't want to draw his attention. I'll just let him do whatever he's doing, which appears to be sucking all the data off the ship's hard drive. 17 2 0 2 1 (Including all those politically incorrect .GIF files in your conveniently mislabeled "Excel" directory.) 17 2 2 1 1 You like-a the juice, eh? I give you the juice! 17 2 3 1 1 He's beyond hearing. Or eating. Or even assimilating. 23 4 0 1 1 Guess I won't need the toast. It has no power here! 23 1 0 1 1 The Bjorn, in his death throes, has disgorged toast. Mucho grosso! 23 2 0 1 1 I don't like dry toast. Now, if I could only find one of those yummy Soylent Bran Muffins... 9 4 0 1 99 The sensor pad feels warm and smooth, like a laminated baby's bottom. 9 1 0 1 99 This is a pressure-activated sensor pad, located directly below the Intraship Transport Tube so that an outgoing crewmember won't be accidentally crushed by an incoming crewmember. 9 2 0 1 1 In the demo version of Space Quest Six, you can't talk to the pressure-sensitive pad. Bummer, huh? 9 2 0 2 1 And you won't be able to in the real game, either. 8 4 0 1 1 That's not how to get up into the tube! 8 1 0 1 99 This is the pneumatic tube for intraship transport. It is not a toy. 8 2 0 1 1 Anyone up there? 8 2 0 2 99 Apparently not. 24 0 0 1 1 I'll just give this Lemon Sorbet BioConverter button on the Bjorn belt a push and see what happens. 24 0 0 2 1 Alright! The belt begins to thrum with electronic life! 24 0 0 3 1 I've saved all of my fellow crew members from cleansing the palates of the Bjorn! 24 0 0 4 1 I wonder what incredible adventures lie in store for me and the crew of the Deepship 86 in Space Quest 6? 3 4 0 1 99 Don't touch the viewscreen! You just finished cleaning it. 3 1 0 1 99 The main viewscreen is filled with stars and distant galaxies, representing untold scores of civilizations and a vast amount of untapped knowledge that could reshape the way we think of time and space. 3 1 0 2 99 But more importantly, you're proud to notice that your new squeegee didn't leave any streaks! 3 2 0 1 1 Hello, Bjorn ship! Can you hear me? 3 2 0 2 99 Sorry, objects in viewscreen are farther away than they actually appear.

390.msgEdit

3 4 0 1 99 Leave it alone. It's not a toy. Besides, you'd probably cut yourself. 3 1 0 1 99 Your old Xenon Army knife from Space Quest 1, in which you destroyed the powerful Star Generator which had fallen into the hands of the evil kleptomaniac Sariens! 3 2 0 1 1 Memories...like the corners of my mind... 9 4 0 1 99 You won't need to take the Autobucks Card. Here on the Deepship 86, there's no need for money. Everything's free. 9 4 0 2 99 It's kind of like a Royal Caribbean Cruise, only without the aerobics classes. 9 1 0 1 99 Ooh, it's your old Autobucks Card from your shopping spree at the Galaxy Galleria, after you saved the Latex Babes from that hideous Sea Slug in Space Quest 4! It's expired, unfortunately. But then, you don't need much money aboard the DeepShip. 17 4 0 1 99 We didn't make this game just so you could crawl into bed and go back to sleep. Be productive! 17 1 0 1 99 Why do all these starships come with shimmery sheets? What's so futuristic and wonderful about shimmery sheets? 17 1 0 2 99 They wake you up at night. They're cold and slippery. And the WORST thing is getting up every morning with sequins imprinted all over your face. 17 1 0 3 99 What's up with that? 17 2 0 1 99 Now's no time for pillow talk! 19 4 0 1 99 There's no reason to open the blinds. There's nothing to see out there except billions of the same old strange new worlds, ho-hum new life and new civilizations, and lots of stupid places for insane, death-wishing daredevils to boldly go where no insane, death-wishing daredevils have gone before. 19 1 0 1 99 Somebody told you that Venusion miniblinds would look good in here. 19 1 0 2 99 Then again, somebody told you that you look great under fluorescent lights. 19 2 0 1 1 Yarrrrrrrghhh! 19 2 0 2 1 Oh, I forgot. In space, no one can hear you clean. 16 4 0 1 99 Now's no time to catch up on your reading. You have a race of aliens to defeat. No big deal. 16 1 0 1 99 It's a medical reference of janitor-specific ailments, "Diseases of the Janitalia." 25 4 0 1 99 Leave them where they are. They're positioned just right for making it appear as though you simply dissolved into your bed. 25 1 0 1 99 These are your boots. 25 1 0 2 99 Wait a second, you're already wearing your boots. 25 1 0 3 99 Hmmmmmm. 25 2 0 1 1 Those boots aren't made for talkin', I guess. 2 4 0 1 99 You won't need that buckazoid onboard. Save it. Put it towards your education. 2 1 0 1 99 It's your life savings! 2 2 0 1 99 The buckazoid is silent. That's odd. Usually, money talks. 14 4 0 1 99 You've never once sat down at this table, and you're not about to start now! 14 1 0 1 99 These chairs have been thoughtfully provided by Ship Services so that you can sit at your table and work. 14 1 0 2 99 You wonder what it feels like to sit in them. 7 4 0 1 99 That cigar butt is a piece of your history. You would no sooner carry it around than you would your golden mop. 7 1 0 1 99 It's a discarded cigar stub from the Galaxy Galleria in Space Quest 4! 7 2 0 1 1 I'm not putting that cigar butt in my mouth. I KNOW where this has been! 33 4 0 1 99 You yank on the ClapMaster's\05 cord 'til it pops out of the wall, and you shove it all into your pocket. 33 1 0 1 99 This is your old ClapMaster\05. It can turn a plug on and off with a clap of the hands. 33 1 0 2 99 And there are a lot of plugs in this room...mostly for Space Quests 1, 2, 3 and 4! 33 2 0 1 1 Clap! 33 2 0 2 99 Apparently you're a little unclear on the concept. 41 4 0 1 99 You never learned how to work these controls. That's why you keep everything that should be in the closet scattered around the room. 41 1 0 1 99 These controls open and close the closet, perform passive handprint IDs to prevent unauthorized entry, monitor its humidity, and scan for moths. 41 2 0 1 1 Can we talk? 41 2 0 2 99 When are you going to learn that the computers around here aren't voice-activated? StarCon's too cheap for that. 29 4 0 1 99 The closet isn't worth opening. Everything that used to be inside is scattered around the room. 29 1 0 1 99 Ordinarily, your closet contains clothes. At the moment, though, you're using your clothes as knick-knacks. 29 2 0 1 1 Come out with your hands up! Step away from the closet! 26 4 0 1 99 Picking up your clothes? 26 4 0 2 99 Dammit, Roger, you're a janitor, not a responsible adult! 26 1 0 1 99 You've been meaning to do this laundry for several months. Now it's permanently stuck to the floor. 26 2 0 1 1 Pick yourselves up and put yourselves away. 30 1 0 1 99 This is your personal ComPost, where you can access computer functions and room-to-room pneumatic transport. 30 1 0 2 99 However, personal communications are sent directly to this ComPost station, rather than being transmitted to every ComPost on the ship. You wouldn't want everyone reading those steamy messages you get from Beatrice Wankmeister, would you? 30 1 0 3 99 You bet you WOULD! 30 2 0 1 99 It does not respond to voice commands. 34 4 0 1 99 Your ship has been invaded by a race of appliance-headed aliens bent on assimilating your entire species, the entire crew (except for you) has been turned into scoops of sherbet, and NOW you want to hunt for a clean pair of underwear? 34 4 0 2 99 C'mon, Roger, you've gone for weeks without one, surely you can wait 'til you've tackled the problem at hand. 34 1 0 1 99 This poor dresser hasn't worked right since they hauled it onboard. 34 1 0 2 99 Wait, were you looking at yourself or at the bureau? 34 1 0 3 99 Well, same message either way. 34 2 0 1 1 Hey, you're a pretty lousy dresser. 11 4 0 1 99 Don't bother with it, the batteries are dead, and there's no alien language here to translate. 11 1 0 1 99 Wow, it's the old translating gadget you used to communicate with the subterranean alien back on the planet Kerona in Space Quest 1! 11 1 0 2 99 Too bad they don't make those little Dilithium watch batteries anymore. 11 2 0 1 1 Hey, translate THIS! 11 2 0 2 99 Hold it right there. 23 4 0 1 99 Feels headboardy! 23 1 0 1 99 This headboard contains vital function telemetry modules, full-spectrum illumination, and, as the ultimate in high-tech entertainment: 23 1 0 2 99 8-track player with quadrophonic sound. 23 1 0 3 99 Boy, nothing beats being part of an advanced civilization! 23 2 0 1 99 The headboard senses vital functions and responds to them. The sound of your voice is anything BUT a vital function. 28 4 0 1 99 Sure, go ahead, grab that red-hot spike of quartz. So it'll fuse your hand permanently to the heater. 28 4 0 2 1 There's no gratuitous gross death in this demo. You'll have to wait for the real game. 28 1 0 1 99 You've got a Quartrzebie\05 portable quartz heater set up in here. 28 2 0 1 99 You have apparently mistaken your space heater for some other space heater that gives a damn. 8 4 0 1 99 You won't need that hintbook, you've already won Space Quest 4. 8 1 0 1 99 Say, it's the old hintbook you found in the Bargain Bin at the software store in Space Quest 4! 8 2 0 1 99 Conversing with the hintbook is a sign of multidimensional dementia. 36 4 0 1 99 Feels clean, for once! 36 1 0 1 99 Your kitchen is in here, complete with garbage disposal, solid waste regenerator, and cockroaches. 36 2 0 1 99 You would offer to play hide-and-seek with the cockroaches, but you are always "it." 13 4 0 1 99 Since the lamp is the main source of illumination in your room, you decide to leave it on. 13 1 1 1 99 This lovely kryptonite mood lamp casts a cool glow over the room. 13 1 2 1 99 13 1 3 1 1 Kryptonite lamp...sapping power...must...replace...bulb...someday! 13 2 0 1 1 So...how ya doing? 13 2 0 2 99 Your attempt at light conversation fails. 10 4 0 1 99 You've long since used up all the matches in this book. The cover is lying around as a souvenir. 10 1 0 1 99 Hey, here's that pack of matches you stole from the Ulence Flats bar when you returned to Space Quest I during the time-travel sequence in Space Quest 4! 10 2 0 1 1 Hey, here's a match for you... 10 2 0 2 1 My face and your spatially-inverted tetryon particle! 10 2 0 3 1 Well, you hadda be there. 24 4 0 1 99 The surface of the mirror feels cold and hard, like glass...yet you can see yourself in it. Strange! 24 1 0 1 99 You glance in the mirror. 24 1 0 2 99 For a moment, you can almost see a silk-clad brunette overacting in a stone tower. 24 1 0 3 1 Mother! Mother! Come quick! 24 2 0 1 1 Why don't you look into that facing thing? 20 4 0 1 99 That mop is a piece of your history. You would no sooner carry it around than you would your cigar butt. 20 1 0 1 99 Holy cow, it's your Golden Mop award for your feats of derring-do in Space Quest 1! 20 2 0 1 1 Once upon a time, you really meant something to me. You were a symbol of my bravery, of my importance to StarCon. Now you're just a constant reminder of the glory that once was mine, and how I'm now just a faceless cog in the great gears of the Federation. 42 20 5 1 99 First of all, you haven't bothered to fix the ClapMaster\05 yet. Second, you didn't unplug it just to plug it in again here! 42 20 4 1 99 Sorry, plugging the ClapMaster\05 back in here isn't going to accomplish anything useful. Or even amusing. 42 4 0 1 99 If you want to take the ClapMaster\05, use your hand on the base unit sitting on your nighttable. 42 4 5 1 99 42 21 5 1 99 You have no reason to plug that back in here. 42 1 0 1 99 It's a four-socket recursive-current subspace-grounded outlet, with your ClapMaster\05 plugged into it. 42 1 5 1 99 It's a four-socket recursive-current subspace-grounded socket, devoid of any cords, plugs, or pins! 42 1 4 1 99 It's a four-socket recursive-current subspace-grounded outlet. There appears to be a plug prong stuck in it. 42 2 0 1 99 It's speechless. 42 2 5 1 99 42 2 4 1 99 43 20 0 1 99 There's nothing to be gained from moving the ClapMaster\05 from one outlet to another in your quarters, even if this one was capable of being plugged in! 43 4 0 1 99 Sticking your finger in the socket might provide us with a few cheap laughs, but we're above that sort of thing. 43 21 0 1 99 There's nothing in your quarters that you particularly feel like clapping off. 43 1 0 1 99 It's a four-socket recursive-current subspace-grounded outlet, with your heater plugged into it. 43 1 0 2 99 It's never enough, of course. When is Ship Services going to send up that power strip you asked for?? 43 2 0 1 99 You resist the temptation to scream into the outlet, which you used to do back when you were a child and had those typical fears of the Monster in the Socket. 37 4 0 1 99 You're perfectly comfortable in the pair of pants you're already wearing. 37 1 0 1 99 That's odd, you don't remember having a second pair of pants. 37 1 0 2 99 Maybe you've got an evil twin from a parallel universe, walking around the ship naked. 37 2 0 1 1 Thanks, you're a real load of pants. 37 2 0 2 1 Wait a minute, where have I heard something like that before? 22 4 0 1 99 There's nothing behind the picture. 22 4 0 2 99 And just to clear this up right now, there's nothing under the carpet, beneath the bed, inside the closet, behind the dresser, or inside the garbage can. 22 4 0 3 99 You're thinking of that other game from that other company. 22 1 0 1 99 It's a picture entitled, "Rocket Ship to the Moon." 22 1 0 2 99 Now if you could only figure out what the heck a "moon" is! 22 2 0 1 1 What should I do? Tell me, what should I do? 22 2 0 2 99 You should get a grip. Do you realize you're talking to yet another inanimate object? 39 4 0 1 99 With all the naive charm of a person who's never figured out the relationship between electricity and flesh, you grab for the ClapMaster's\05 wayward prong. 39 1 0 1 99 There's a single prong from the ClapMaster's\05 plug embedded in the outlet. 39 2 0 1 1 Come out of there. I'm afraid I'll get a shock if I touch you. 44 4 0 1 99 What are you going to do, lay hands on it and heal it? 44 1 0 1 99 You've killed your Antarean Foreground Plant. 44 2 0 1 99 You give the plant the last rites. 27 4 0 1 99 You think about plucking one of the dead brown leaves from the dead brown plant. But that would just be adding insult to injury. 27 1 0 1 99 This is a Betelgeuse Clambering Hagfish Fern. You've tried everything you could think of to get it back to health. 27 1 0 2 99 Unfortunately, all you could think of to do was to stand over it and say, "Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!" 27 2 0 1 99 It's way too late to save this plant by talking to it. 6 4 0 1 99 The PocketPal will be of no use to you whatsoever. It's AC and the ship is DC! 6 1 0 1 99 Hey, it's the PocketPal terminal you filched from an abandoned landspeeder on Xenon during Space Quest 4! 6 2 0 1 99 Don't bother talking to it. It's just a dumb terminal. 21 4 0 1 99 No, there's nothing behind the poster! 21 1 0 1 99 You had tickets to see Quazar Live in Concrete with Beatrice. 21 1 0 2 99 That was before you got busted back down to Janitor and assigned to this dad-blasted floating heckhole of a mother-talking spaceship.* 21 1 0 3 99 (*A note: this game has scrupulously avoided any rough language that would result in having to be rated as an adults-only computer or video game by the Game Censorship Board of the U.S. Senate subcommittee.) 21 2 0 1 1 What should I do? Tell me, what should I do? 12 4 0 1 99 Unless there happens to be a Star Generator in the immediate vicinty, this remote won't be of any use to you whatsoever. 12 4 0 2 99 And there isn't, so there won't. 12 1 0 1 99 Whoa, it's the Star generator remote control you found aboard the Sarien ship during Space Quest 1! 12 2 0 1 99 There isn't the remotest chance it will respond to you. 31 1 0 1 99 It's your Food Replicator. 31 1 0 2 99 Technically, it's not a replicator at all, it's a wormhole into the Restaurant Dimension! 31 2 0 1 99 The Food Replicator responds to a keypad input only. 32 4 0 1 99 Don't pick it up, you've already broken it several times. Now the port stablizer flange is out of configuration by 5.2 percent, which could result in a warp core breach. 32 4 0 2 99 Now you've done it. You've reaaaaaaally done it. 32 1 0 1 99 You saw this detailed diecast model of an early StarCon Solar Scout in Milky Way Today, StarCon's In-Flight Magazine. It seemed like a great investment at the time. 32 2 0 1 1 Hey, model rocket! 1 4 0 1 99 Ah, there's nothing like the feel of a solid 3rd-class crew deck under your feet! 1 1 0 1 99 Your quarters are cozy and intimate, yet spacious. 1 1 0 2 99 (That's one of the advantages of living in a converted cargo hold.) 1 2 0 1 1 Am I the only one left alive on this ship? 1 2 0 2 99 Your words are greeted with silence. You must be correct. 5 4 0 1 99 You won't need it, it's reminding you of your inadequacy just fine where it is. 5 1 0 1 99 Wow, it's your official Employment Rejection Letter from Sierra On-Line at the end of Space Quest 3! 5 1 0 2 99 It just says "Not a chance," and it's signed by Ken Williams. 5 2 0 1 99 You can curse at the rejection letter all you like, but the decision has already been made. 38 4 0 1 99 They would make a very effective weapon against any foe, unfortunately, you can't bear to pick them up and be that close to them for any length of time. By now they're probably stiffer than Mr. Spock. 38 4 0 2 99 You'll have to think of some other way to shut them down! 38 1 0 1 99 We named the game after these. 38 1 0 2 99 You know..."Space Quest Sox!" 38 2 0 1 99 Stop lingering with the lingerie, put a sock in it, and get moving! 15 4 0 1 99 The table appears to be composed entirely of solid matter. 15 1 0 1 99 This table is supposed to be used for paperwork and gracious dining. 15 1 0 2 99 Since you do neither, you've found it makes a great place to stash all this junk you've collected over the years. 15 2 0 1 99 Perhaps you should table this conversation for now. 35 4 0 1 99 You have nothing you need to throw out right now. 35 1 0 1 99 Some of the Empire's old R2-D2 units were recycled into convenient trash receptacles. 35 2 0 1 99 Stop talking trash! 4 4 0 1 99 You won't be needing the whistle. 4 1 0 1 99 It's your old Labion Terror Beast Mating whistle from Space Quest 2! 4 2 0 1 99 Do you see any Labion Terror Beasts around here? 4 2 0 2 99 No? 4 2 0 3 99 Then there's no need to blow it!

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18 1 0 1 1 It's a plate of freshly-replicated Bjorn Chow. Tepid, crunchy and gelatinous, just the way they love it. If that's the food they serve, they can sure forget about assimilating me. 2 1 0 1 99 This is your standard ComPost panel, where you can get information, travel to other ship locations, or just pretend to be doing some work. 2 2 0 1 99 ComPosts don't respond to voice commands. What do you think this is, science fiction? 9 4 0 1 99 The ComPost pad feels hard and rounded, like standing on a giant contact lens. 9 4 0 2 99 (And you'll notice it appears to follow you around the room!) 9 1 0 1 99 This is the platform you use for Intraship Transport. 9 2 0 1 1 Nice pad! 15 4 0 1 99 15 1 0 1 99 15 2 0 1 99 14 4 0 1 99 They're too high overhead to reach. In any event, you've managed to overcome your arboreal tendencies and are now perfectly content to live on land. 14 1 0 1 99 The ambient light in 8-Rear is soft and diffused, and the light fixtures blend in with the decor to a fare-thee-well. 14 2 0 1 99 Even standing on tip-toe, your tongue isn't quite long enough. 10 4 0 1 99 It's hard, cool and round, and seems to be doing a fine job of supporting the weight of the ceiling. 10 1 0 1 99 These pillars stretch three decks up, to the high vaulted ceiling of 8-Rear. Your neck bones grind unpleasantly as you look up at the top of the pillars. 10 1 0 2 1 Ouch. 10 2 0 1 99 It's like talking to the wall, only rounder. 11 4 0 1 99 11 1 0 1 99 11 2 0 1 99 12 4 0 1 99 12 1 0 1 99 12 2 0 1 99 16 4 0 1 99 16 1 0 1 99 16 2 0 1 99 7 1 0 1 99 A friendly "Mr. Soylent" food replicator stands in wait to serve anyone who wants a snack. 7 1 0 2 99 (Technically, these aren't replicators, they're wormholes into the Restaurant Universe. But the food still tastes replicated, because the chefs in the Restaurant Universe are mostly ex-Monolith Burger employees and know nothing about food.) 7 2 0 1 1 Replicator, Replicator, make me something to eat! 7 2 0 2 99 Nothing happens. This is no fairy tale. 1 4 0 1 99 You can't detach that without a Zyquest Torque Phase Shifter, and who'd want to anyway? 1 1 0 1 99 This is 8-Rear, the ship's lounge. Here crewmembers come to relax, drink, eat, converse, party, hit on each other, brawl, hurl, pass out, and intrude on each others' personal space. 1 1 0 2 99 Right now it smells vaguely lemony. 1 2 0 1 1 Now hear this! I am the Captain, and you are all squat! Nyah-ha-ha! 1 2 0 2 99 Your voice rings hollowly through the empty lounge, and rings just as falsely through your soul... 1 2 0 3 99 ...as you recall the fateful day you were stripped of your command in the wake of the events surrounding the SCS Goliath and Captain Quirk. 17 4 0 1 99 Under normal circumstances (such as while you're supposed to be working), you'd feel free to sit down and drink and eat to your heart's content, but duty calls. 17 4 0 2 1 But with everyone on the ship out of commission... just not the same. I resolve to set things right before slacking off again. Am I commited, or what? 17 1 0 1 99 The anti-grav seats make sure you're always the proper distance from the table and that you're never short of legroom. 17 2 0 1 99 Once again, you waste time talking to invisible people. 17 2 0 2 99 And once again, you are terribly offended that they do not reply. 6 4 0 1 99 Feels warm and informative. 6 1 0 1 99 This sign, and the menu screen attached, indicate that this as a Mr. Soylent\05 food replicator. 6 1 0 2 99 It makes you wonder what kind of kickback StarCon is receiving for this blatant plug. 6 2 0 1 1 How do, Mr. Soylent. 6 2 0 2 99 Trying to talk to it? It's just a sign, Roger. Think about it. 13 4 0 1 99 There's nothing on the table to take. 13 1 0 1 99 The Anti-Grav tables are specially designed to compensate for the ship's motions, minimizing drink spills while under enemy attack. Now you can now drink an Alien Secretion during a hull breech and still not spill a drop. 13 1 0 2 99 Yes, your eyeballs will implode within 2.3 seconds, but if and when you make it back from Sickbay, your drink will still be there waiting for you. 13 2 0 1 1 There are better ways of cleaning off the tables, but this isn't my station. I've got better things to do. 5 4 0 1 1 I'd better not mess with it. I'll be the one who has to clean it later anyway so I may as well save myself some work. 5 1 0 1 99 This viewscreen lets 8-Rear patrons watch the subspace transmissions of major league Hairball games, Monday Night Bunionball, and the occasional pay-per-view Orat Fights. 5 2 0 1 99 You lick a little dust off the screen. 5 2 0 2 1 Mmm, tangy! 4 4 0 1 99 You stop short of causing a terrible disaster by reminding yourself that these windows are not supposed to open. 4 1 0 1 99 A wistful vista of space moves silently by, revealing the wonder and majesty of billions of cavorting galaxies and stars. 4 1 0 2 1 Pretty twinkly lights! 4 2 0 1 1 Hey, civilizations out there! I can't hear you from here, you'll have to talk louder! 3 4 0 1 99 The quadruple-thick plastosteel window is cold to the touch. 3 1 0 1 99 A peaceful panorama of light, color, and limitless black space drifts quietly by the window, the infinite flow and ebb of matter and energy dancing around itself in a never-ending light show of creation. 3 1 0 2 1 I want to see something blow up. 3 2 0 1 99 You give the window a lick and a promise.

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1 1 0 1 1 There are ComPosts like these scattered throughout the Shuttle Bay, so you never have to walk too far from where you parked. 1 2 0 1 1 In order to avoid confusion, the ComPost only responds to tactile input. 15 4 0 1 99 You won't be doing any refueling around here, Bub. Not since you were caught smoking while filling the O2 tanks... 15 1 0 1 99 This refueling pillar signifies parking section F8. 15 1 0 2 99 Instead of "F8," this post used to have a picture of a large cartoon mouse, but StarCon removed it after being threatened with legal action (by the same company that lost its shirt on "AndromaDizney," the first amusement park on Andromeda). 15 2 0 1 99 It doesn't have time to support the ship and you at the same time. 15 2 0 2 99 It's a tall, solidly-built, sturdy support that simply stands there twenty-four hours a day and unflinchingly does its part to maintain the integrity of the ship. 15 2 0 3 99 So what would you have in common to talk about? 16 4 0 1 99 A quick feel of the tower reveals only a few small microfractures. Who's ever job it is to find these things will probably find them in plenty of time to prevent a catastrophe. 16 1 0 1 99 This support is labelled "F9" so that entities can easily find where they parked their shuttles, pods, runabouts, and other miniships. 16 1 0 2 99 The Deepship's shuttle has a reserved spot in this row. 16 2 0 1 1 Hey, support tower F9! 2 4 0 1 99 You can feel the rumble of the ship's engines thrumming through every solid surface. 2 4 0 2 99 It's so nice to know all those hamsters are down in Engineering, running their little hearts out! 2 1 0 1 99 This large, well-ventilated shuttle bay is probably the largest single room on the ship. 2 1 0 2 99 Which is why you can often find Andorian Megopeds playing hackey-sack in here. 2 2 0 1 1 Hello. 3 4 0 1 99 This shuttle appears to be triple-locked with a security-bypass and a redundancy cutoff circuit. Those Rebels are so paranoid. 3 1 0 1 99 You hear a disembodied voice saying, "Remember your parking space, Luke..." 3 2 0 1 1 Is anyone in there? 3 2 0 2 99 You hear nothing but oohs, aahs, grunts, and growls. 3 2 0 3 99 Maybe whoever's inside is just trying to get a little wookie! 4 4 0 1 99 You run your hand enviously along the wide, bulbous lines of the Gateway. 4 4 0 2 1 Nice nacelles! 4 1 0 1 99 Oooh, a mint-condition '57 Gateway Bel-Air! With mag thrusters, overhead lifters, and four-pod barrels! 4 2 0 1 1 Ahoy, matey! Anyone aboard? 4 2 0 2 1 That's some cherry flange you got there! 4 2 0 3 1 I like it! No, really! 4 2 0 4 1 Hello? 4 2 0 5 1 OK, fine, be that way. 5 1 0 1 99 This baby's a Sleek Streak Corsair with pushbutton tranny and dual airbags. 5 1 0 2 99 These balsawood shuttles are really maneuverable, but they don't last two seconds in a phasar battle. 5 2 0 1 1 Argh, matey! 5 2 0 2 99 You do your best imitation of one of the Pirates of Pestulon, but it falls on deaf ears. 6 4 0 1 99 The hatch to this shuttle is locked, so you peek in the window. 6 4 0 2 99 There doesn't seem to be anything in there except a rag that says, "My father was betrayed at Khitomer and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." 6 1 0 1 99 Some guy wearing a Delco Air Filter on his face parked this shuttle. 6 2 0 1 1 Any little genius teenage brats in there? 6 2 0 2 1 No? 6 2 0 3 1 Good, let's keep it that way! 7 4 0 1 99 You search in vain for a way to open the hatch to this shuttle. 7 1 0 1 99 This Kiapian runabout strikes fear into the heart of the Japaxian Empire. 7 1 0 2 99 It's a good compact shuttle for under 8500 buckazoids! 7 2 0 1 1 Hey, who does your detailing? 7 2 0 2 99 There's no response. 8 4 0 1 99 You try to get into the Tiberian Skimmer, but it's locked. 8 4 0 2 99 Still, you know perfectly well you could get into it if you wanted to. 8 4 0 3 99 You just don't want to, that's all. 8 1 0 1 99 This Tiberian Skimmer may look intimidating, but it's seriously underpowered. 8 1 0 2 99 And that clearsteel compound cockpit is particularly vulnerable to meteorites, barion radiation, and large insects. 8 2 0 1 1 Avast ye! All hands on the poop deck! 8 2 0 2 99 Speaking of poopdecks, don't you have some janitoring to do somewhere? 9 4 0 1 99 If you were aiming for the shuttle hatch, you missed. 9 4 0 2 99 But if you just wanted to inspect the hull of the shuttle for microfractures and embedded particulate matter, you were incredibly successful. 9 1 0 1 99 It's a standard StarCon shuttle, built for speed and maneuverability. 9 1 0 2 99 Unfortunately, with a budget of only 550,000 buckazoids, they had to leave off certain amenities...like airtight seals, decent shields, and restrooms. 9 2 0 1 1 Anyone alive in there? 9 2 0 2 99 There's no answer. Not a good sign. 10 4 0 1 99 Careful. If you scratch this baby and someone finds out, you're going to need a positronic neural-assist circuit to help you swallow your lunch. 10 1 0 1 99 Beauty! A true museum-quality McKinley Ultramarine Bluerunner! 10 1 0 2 1 It will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine. 10 2 0 1 1 I'd buy that for a dollar! 11 4 0 1 99 Oh, yeah, real smart. Let's go poking around inside a pod that's probably carrying a half-dozen miniature face-hugging saliva-dripping face-eating exo-skeletal alien piranha things. 11 4 0 2 99 And while we're at it, let's split up so that we're all alone and defenseless, okay? 11 4 0 3 99 NOT! 11 1 0 1 99 Some woman driver parked her shuttle here and contaminated the whole Deepship with these acid-bleeding multi-jawed exo-skeletal aliens, and you had a really huge mess to clean up. 11 1 0 2 99 Just for that, Kielbasa refused to validate her parking slip. 11 2 0 1 1 Is there anyone in there that won't eat me alive if I come in? 11 2 0 2 99 From inside, you hear a muffled, "Nope!" 13 1 0 1 99 This is the hatch leading into the StarCon shuttle. 13 2 0 1 1 Are you guys sherbet in there? 13 2 0 2 99 And how, pray tell, did you expect them to reply? As soon as we get this adventure accomplished, I'd recommend finding someone who'll help you with some of these, ah... interesting behaviours and ideas. 14 4 0 1 99 You can't take these supports away... 14 4 0 2 99 ...at least, not now. 14 1 0 1 99 These narrow steel beams serve a most crucial function: they permit greater stress on the tower supports, and they prevent moving shuttles from dinging the towers. 14 1 0 2 99 Okay, so that's |c85|two|c82| crucial functions. 14 2 0 1 1 You support rods are doing a good job. 14 2 0 2 1 Keep it up! 18 4 0 1 1 It feels flimsy and artificial, as if somebody just laid it there temporarily for the Deluxe\04 Demo Version. Lazy suckers! 18 1 0 1 1 This is the platform I stand on when I want to transport to another part of the ship. 18 1 0 2 1 This platform is only available in the Deluxe\04 Demo Edition of "Space Quest Six," and is not available in the actual game. 18 2 0 1 1 Stay right there, I'm going to need you in a few minutes. 18 2 0 2 1 Notice how it blindly obeys me? 17 4 0 1 1 Bummer. It's out of reach. 17 1 0 1 1 This elbow-shaped pipe leads into the bowels of the ship, where the Intraship tube system directs crewmembers to their desired locations. 17 1 0 2 1 Well at least most of the time. 17 1 0 3 1 Someone saw this on the "The Jetsons" and thought it would be a neat idea. 17 2 0 1 1 Hey in there! Heads up! Coming through! 12 4 0 1 99 You need the appropriate clearance to get to the Shuttlebay Operations Workstation. 12 4 0 2 99 And you don't even have the appropriate clearance to go to the john. 12 1 0 1 99 This workstation allows manual control of the shuttle airlock and other functions, most of which are routinely handled automatically by the ship's computers. 12 1 0 2 99 They're incomprehensible to you, so don't even fool with them. 12 2 0 1 1 Hey! Any non-sorbet crewmembers alive up there?

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11 0 15 1 8 KNOWN RACES A-E 11 40 0 1 8 ANDROMEDAN DECAPUSS 11 40 16 1 8 -- EXTINCT --

SEE: KERONIAN TENTICULAR SLIMESUCKER 11 41 0 1 8 ANDROMEDANS 11 41 16 1 8 THESE REPUGNANT CREATURES ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR MOHAWK 'DOS AND THEIR WELL-DEVELOPED PREHENSILE SNOUTS, WITH WHICH THEY CAN PICK UP SMALL OBJECTS, GIVE THEMSELVES NECKRUBS, AND UNLEASH PROJECTILE MUCOSA AT ENEMIES. 11 41 16 2 8 THE MOST FAMOUS ANDROMEDAN ARE THE "TWO GUYS," WHO ROSE ABOVE THEIR HUMBLE ANDROMEDAN BEGINNINGS TO BECOME TWO OF THE MOST POPULAR AND SUCCESSFUL GAME DESIGNERS IN THE GALAXY. 11 41 16 3 8 THEY WERE ONCE KIDNAPPED AND PRESSED INTO SERVITUDE BY THE NOTORIOUS SCUMSOFT CORPORATION, BUT WERE LATER RESCUED BY AN UNIDENTIFIED WORKER. 11 41 16 4 8 MOST ANDROMEDANS PREFER FLAVORED FOREIGN COFFEES, SUCH AS HAZELNUT MOCHA MISTAKE AND VANILLA COTTAGE CHEESE. 11 42 0 1 8 BHIGDEELERS 11 42 16 1 8 THE PRIMARY CIVILIZATION OF THE PLANET MEGA BHIGDEEL IN THE SECTOR B SUBCLUSTER. \(SEE: KERONIAN KILLER MAMMAL.) 11 42 16 2 99 NOTE THAT STARCON HAS RECENTLY DROP-SHIPPED EMERGENCY SUPPLIES OF "HOOKED ON PHONICS" TO THE BHIGDEELERS ON OMEGA BHIGDEEL. 11 43 0 1 8 BICRANIAL CRUDSNORTER 11 43 16 1 8 IMAGINE A CRUDSNORTER, ONLY WITH A BIFURCATED CRANIUM. BICRANIAL CRUDSNORTERS ARE LIMBER, SIMIAN CREATURES WITH FRONTAL LOBES THE SIZE OF TALOSIAN BINARY CASABAS. 11 43 16 2 8 ONE WOULD ASSUME THIS MAKES THEM SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE SIMIAN. ONE WOULD BE VERY WRONG. BICRANIAL CRUDSNORTERS PROVE THE OLD ADAGE THAT IT'S NOT HOW BIG YOUR BRAIN IS, IT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH IT. 11 43 16 3 8 JUST LIKE THEIR MONOCRANIAL COUSINS, THEY SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME SNORTING CRUD AND THEN HACKING IT OUT AGAIN IN EXTENDED COUGHING FITS THAT OFTEN LAST UP TO TWELVE HOURS. 11 43 16 4 8 WHILE THEY'RE NOT GAGGING AND CHOKING, THE BICRANIAL CRUDSNORTER ENJOYS SWIMMING, CYCLING, JAZZ AND EATING GIBBERELIAN DUSTMITES. 11 44 0 1 8 BJORN 11 44 16 1 8 THE BJORN, A RACE OF HALF-HUMANOID HALF-KITCHEN-APPLIANCE CREATURES, ARE THE SCOURGE OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. THE BJORN SEEK OUT CIVILIZATIONS IN ORDER TO ASSIMILATE THEM. 11 44 16 2 8 THE COLLECTED KNOWLEDGE OF EACH CIVILIZATION IS THEN APPLIED TO THE TASK OF CREATING NEWER, SHINIER KITCHEN APPLIANCES. THIS IS HOW THE PRESTO HOT DOGGER AND DAZEY SEAL-A-MEAL WERE INVENTED. 11 44 16 3 8 THE LEADER OF THE BJORN IS THE TOASTER-SKULLED NOCUTICLES. STARCON HAS POSTED A REWARD FOR THE DEACTIVIZATION OF NOCUTICLES, WHO MAY BE RECOGNIZED BY A SOCKET JUST BELOW THE ANTERIOR CRUST CONTROL. 11 44 16 4 8 THIS SOCKET IS TYPICALLY USED TO CONNECT NOCUTICLES TO VARIOUS POWER SOURCES IN ORDER TO RECHARGE HIM AND, THROUGH HIM, THE ENTIRE BJORN COLLECTIVE. 11 44 16 5 8 THE GREAT IRONY IS THAT THE BJORN NEVER SPEND ANY TIME IN THE KITCHEN, PREFERRING TO SEND OUT. THEY EAT A PECULIAR MIXTURE OF BATTERIES, NUTS, BOLTS, AND REPROCESSED ORGANIC SLUDGE \(REPLICATOR CODE #7469410.) 11 52 0 1 8 BOERTHNIC BOULDER BEAVER 11 52 16 1 8 THE HERBIVOROUS BOULDER BEAVER IS MOST RECOGNIZABLE FOR ITS POWERFUL PREHENSILE TAIL. UNLIKE THE TAILS OF MOST BEAVERS, WHICH ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO FLING MUD... 11 52 16 2 8 ...THE BOULDER BEAVER CAN USE HIS TAIL TO BENCH ABOUT 340 LBS FOR 3 SETS OF 15 REPS WITHOUT EVEN STOPPING FOR A FRUIT-FLAVORED SPORTS BEVERAGE. 11 52 16 3 8 HENCE IT CAN, IN FACT, CREATE A DAM OUT OF BOULDERS OR NEARLY ANY OTHER MATERIAL, INCLUDING \(BUT NOT LIMITED TO) MOLTEN STEEL, LAVA, AND STELLAR CORE FRAGMENTS. 11 52 16 4 8 THE BEAVER PREFERS TO EAT THE SWEET, SPICY LEAVES OF THE CREEPY HABANERO EUCALYPTUS VINE \(REPLICATOR #6830620). 11 53 0 1 8 EARNON SEA URCHIN 11 53 16 1 8 THE EARNON SEA URCHIN IS A PITIFUL LITTLE CREATURE AND DOESN'T REALLY CARE WHO KNOWS IT. IT CRIES CONSTANTLY, WHICH WAS ONLY RECENTLY DISCOVERED SINCE THE CREATURE LIVES UNDERWATER. 11 53 16 2 8 IT ALSO REFUSES TO PLAY WITH THE OTHER EARNON SEA URCHINS. HOWEVER, SOME OF ITS FEELINGS ARE UNDERSTANDABLE. 11 53 16 3 8 AFTER ALL, IT'S JUST ABOUT THE UGLIEST SUCKER ON EARNON, ITS SPINY QUILLS MAKE ROMANCE A TEDIOUS AND IMPRACTICAL AFFAIR, AND ITS GONADS ARE HIGHLY PRIZED AS SUSHI. THIS WOULD MAKE YOU CRANKY, TOO. 11 54 0 1 8 ESTROSIAN SEA SLUGS 11 54 16 1 8 THE MULTITENTACLED SEA SLUG IS A LARGE, MENACING CARNIVORE WITH A SQUIDLIKE BEAK. ITS SPECTACULAR ADAPTIVE ABILITIES AND MATCHLESS FEROCITY ENSURE THAT IT CAN EASILY SURVIVE FOR EXTENDED PERIODS UNDERWATER, ON LAND, OR IN SPACE. 11 54 16 2 8 HOWEVER, DUE TO ITS NUMEROUS DISGUSTING HABITS AND UNRESTRAINED LIFESTYLE, THE ESTROSIAN SEA SLUG WOULD NOT HOLD UP FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES UNDER THE SCRUTINY OF THE LIBERAL MEDIA. 11 54 16 3 8 ESTROSIAN SEA SLUGS EAT ALL MANNER OF CREATURES, PARTICULARLY AQUATIC ONES. THEIR FAVORITE FOOD, THOUGH, IS THE LATEX BABE OF ESTROS \(SEE: LATEX BABES). 5 0 3 1 8 COMMUNICATIONS ARE OFF-LINE DUE TO UNFORSEEN ALIEN INVASION. WHEN WE RESUME SERVICE, YOU'LL ENJOY 20% SAVINGS WHENEVER YOU SEND SUBSPACE TRANSMISSIONS TO ANYONE ON YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY LIST. 5 0 15 1 8 COMMUNICATIONS MENU 4 0 0 1 8 PURSUANT TO STARCON R/R SUBDIRECTIVE G-145-938, ALL ACCESS TO CYBERSPACE FROM STARCON VESSELS AND OFFICES IS HEREBY TERMINATED. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. 6 0 10 1 8 DATABASE MENU 6 0 11 1 8 ENTITY DATABASE 6 0 2 1 8 SHIP'S FUNCTIONS 6 0 3 1 8 SCIENCE DATABASE 6 0 5 1 8 INCIDENTALLY, THE REPLICATOR CODE FOR BJORN CHOW IS 7469410. 6 49 0 1 8 BACK 6 51 0 1 8 MORE 6 50 0 1 8 NEXT PG. 6 39 0 1 8 PREV. PG. 8 33 0 1 8 DNA SEQUENCING 8 33 16 1 8 YOU DIDN'T REALLY THINK YOU'D GET A WHOLE WORKING DNA SEQUENCER IN A LITTLE DEMO, DID YOU? AS IF! 8 34 0 1 8 KNOWN RACES 13 0 15 1 8 KNOWN RACES F-M 13 56 0 1 8 LABION SWAMP SLURPIE 13 56 16 1 8 THE SWAMP SLURPIE IS BELIEVED TO BE A HIDEOUS, GROTESQUE HALF-FISH, HALF-REPTILE \(ALSO KNOWN AS AN "AMPHIBIAN"). NOBODY'S QUITE SURE, BECAUSE NOBODY'S WHO SEEN ONE UP CLOSE HAS EVER LIVED TO DESCRIBE IT. 13 56 16 2 8 WITNESSES ARE USUALLY FOUND SLIGHTLY DECAPITATED OR WITH A MODEST DISCOUNT IN THE CRANIAL REGION. WE CAN ONLY ASSUME THEY EAT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. 13 57 0 1 8 LABION TERROR BEAST 13 57 16 1 8 THE TERROR BEAST IS APTLY NAMED, SINCE IT SPENDS MOST OF ITS LIFE IN TERROR. ALTHOUGH THE TERROR BEAST COULD EASILY DEFEAT A HUMANOID, IT USUALLY AVOIDS CONFLICT UNLESS FACED WITH A PARTICULARLY WIMPY OPPONENT. 13 57 16 2 8 MOST OF ITS TIME IS SPENT KEEPING TO ITSELF, AVOIDING PUBLIC APPEARANCES AND BANQUETS. ITS PREFERRED DIET IS COMPOSED MAINLY OF THE ROOTS OF THE STARSHOCK BUSH \(REPLICATOR #6422803). 13 57 16 3 8 TERROR BEASTS ARE BORN WITH EXTREMELY POWERFUL LEG MUSCLES. HOWEVER, ONE LEG IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHER, SO THE BEAST TENDS TO SPIN IN A TIGHT CIRCLE AS IT ZOOMS ACROSS THE LABION LANDSCAPE. 13 57 16 4 8 THIS CREATES A WHIRLWIND EFFECT THAT CAN PROVE PARTICULARLY HAZARDOUS TO TRAILER PARKS. 13 57 16 5 8 A HIGHLY INTELLIGENT CREATURE, THE BEAST ENJOYS FIGURING OUT SMALL PUZZLES, AND WILL OFTEN STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUNT TO FIGURE OUT A MATCHSTICK PUZZLE, LOGIC PROBLEM, OR RIDDLE. 13 57 16 6 8 CURIOUSLY, THOUGH, THE BEAST HATES ARCADE SEQUENCES. 13 58 0 1 8 LATEX BABES 13 58 16 1 8 THESE NATIVES OF THE PLANET ESTROS ARE USUALLY NUBILE HUMANOID FEMALES, ALTHOUGH THE OCCASIONAL WILY, STRINGY MALE IS NOT UNHEARD OF \(AND ARE PERIPHERALLY NECESSARY FOR THE PROPAGATION OF THE SPECIES). 13 58 16 2 8 TURN-ONS INCLUDE CONSTRUCTING THE FINEST UNDERWATER CRAFT IN THE GALAXY, ARC-WELDING, AND SHOPPING; TURN-OFFS ARE ESTROSIAN SEA SLUGS, PLAQUE BUILD-UP ABOVE THE GUM LINE, AND TWO-TIMING JANITORS. 13 58 16 3 8 FAVORITE FOODS ARE EELWORT SASHIMI \(REPLICATOR #8771877) AND ROASTED DRYMOUTH GOURAMI \(REPLICATOR #2712090). 13 40 0 1 8 GOLANIAN GUTTER RATS 13 40 16 1 8 GOLANIAN GUTTER RATS ARE SO SLIMY, SNIVELING AND NASTY THAT THEY GIVE A BAD NAME TO ALL OTHER GUTTER RATS. 13 40 16 2 8 BUT OF ALL THEIR DESPICABLE HABITS, THE WORST IS THE FACT THAT THEY'RE THE LOUSIEST BOWLERS IN THE GALAXY, HENCE THEIR NAME. 13 40 16 3 8 NOT ONLY DO THEY RARELY BREAK 100, BUT THEY TALK LOUD AND CUSS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE SERIOUSLY TRYING TO BOWL \(YES, IT'S A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS!). 13 40 16 4 8 THEIR PREFERRED DIET IS THE BOWLING ALLEY COMBO: FRENCH FRIES, BURGERS, HOT DOGS, AND BEER \(REPLICATOR #6762876). 13 41 0 1 8 GREEN SLIME 13 41 16 1 8 HALF-ANIMAL, HALF-VEGETABLE, AND HALF-LOUSY MATHEMATICIAN, THE GREEN SLIME OF XENON IS A VAGUE BY-PRODUCT OF INDUSTRIAL WASTE AND ORGANIC COMPOUNDS COMBINED WITH A POWERFUL ELECTRIC CHARGE. 13 41 16 2 8 THE RESULTING LIFEFORM IS A SLOW-MOVING MASS OF GELATINOUS, ACIDIC PROTOPLASM WITH SIMPLE REFLEXES AND A VORACIOUS APPETITE. THIS MAKES IT IDEALLY SUITED FOR DISSOLVING LOCKS AND APPEARING IN BAD HORROR MOVIES. 13 41 16 3 8 GREEN SLIME WILL EAT ANYTHING IN ITS PATH, DISSOLVING IT QUICKLY BUT NOT PAINLESSLY \(IT REPORTEDLY FEELS LIKE BLASTING AN EXPOSED TOOTH NERVE WITH HOT SALTY IODINE USING A WATERPIK). 13 41 16 4 8 BIZARRELY, IT HAS NO SUCH EFFECT ON GLASS, MAKING IT ULTRA-CONVENIENT TO CARRY AROUND BITS OF GREEN SLIME IN AN ORDINARY JAR, AND INDEED IT WAS MARKETED THIS WAY UNDER THE NAME "FACE-B-GON." HORK CITY! 13 42 0 1 8 GRELL 13 42 16 1 8 AT ONE TIME MANY EONS AGO, GRELL WERE THE PRIMARY INHABITANTS OF KERONA. ARTIFACTS AND RUINS HAVE REVEALED MUCH ABOUT THEM: THEY WERE CREATURES OF IMMENSE SIZE, TOWERING SOME 30-40 METERS TALL. 13 42 16 2 8 THEY WERE EXTREMELY UGLY AND COULDN'T BEAR TO LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER, WHICH IS WHY THEIR RACE DIED OUT ENTIRELY. THEY WERE HUNTER/GATHERERS, PREFERRING TO HUNT GATHERERS THAN GATHER HUNTERS. 13 43 0 1 8 KERONIAN TENTICULAR SLIMESUCKER 13 43 16 1 8 THE KERONA TENTICULAR SLIMESUCKER, WHICH LIVES DEEP IN THE SUBTERRANEAN CAVERNS OF KERONA, HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BY ANYBODY WHO'S LIVED TO PROVIDE A COMPLETE DESCRIPTION. 13 43 16 2 8 ALL THAT HAS EVER BEEN SEEN ARE THEIR SLIMY TENTACLES, WHICH ARE TENTACLE-LIKE AND SLIMY, RESEMBLING TENTACLE-LIKE SLIMY TENTACLES. ANYTHING WHICH FINDS ITS WAY INTO THEIR TENTACLES IS FIRST SLIMED, THEN DEVOURED. 13 43 16 3 8 THIS IS AN APPROPRIATE MOMENT TO NOTE THAT "TENTACLES" COMES FROM THE ROOT "TEN TICKLES," SINCE THE ANDROMEDAN DECAPUSS, WITH ITS TEN SERPENTINE FLEXIBLE APPENDAGES, TICKLED ITS FOES TO DEATH. 13 43 16 4 8 THAT'S JUST ANOTHER FUN FACT TO KNOW AND TELL! 13 44 0 1 8 KERONIAN KILLER MAMMAL 13 44 16 1 8 THE KERONIAN KILLER MAMMAL HAS AN UNDESERVEDLY FIERCE REPUTATION DUE PRIMARILY TO ITS NAME OR, RATHER, WHAT ITS NAME HAS BECOME OVER THE COURSE OF GENERATIONS OF SLOPPY PRONOUNCIATION. 13 44 16 2 8 ORIGINALLY KNOWN AS THE "LONELY AND BEWILDERED SANDBILL," THE KERONIAN KILLER MAMMAL IS A GENTLE, SLOW-MOVING HERBIVOROUS INSECT THAT WOULD RATHER SQUASH ITSELF FLAT THAN COME INTO CONTACT WITH ANY OTHER LIFEFORM. 13 44 16 3 8 THESE TINY INTROVERTED CREATURES ARE NATIVE TO THE PLANET OMEGA BIGHDEEL, THE ONLY PLANET WITH THE DISTINCTION OF HAVING ITS ENTIRE CIVILIZATION FLUNK PHONICS. 13 44 16 4 8 THIS LACK OF LINGUISTIC AGILITY IS SAID TO ACCOUNT FOR THE DISTORTION OF THE SANDBILL'S NAME, ALTHOUGH ANOTHER THEORY HAS BEEN PUT FORTH THAT THE "KILLER MAMMAL" APPELLATION IS MERELY DUE TO CENTURIES OF SARCASM. 13 44 16 5 8 THE KERONIAN KILLER MAMMAL EATS DUST MITES \(REPLICATOR #6838687). LOTS AND LOTS OF THEM. 13 52 0 1 8 KERONIANS 13 52 16 1 8 THE SENTIENT CIVILIZATION OF KERONA ARE THE KERONIANS, A SECRETIVE AND SHY RACE OF SCHOLARLY OLD MEN. THEY DEVOTE THEIR LIVES TO THE PURSUIT AND DISSEMINATION OF KNOWLEDGE. 13 52 16 2 8 CONVERSATIONS WITH KERONIANS ARE LIABLE TO BE DRY, PEPPERED WITH OBSCURE AND DULL REFERENCES TO PLACES AND PEOPLE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, AND FULL OF SELF-CONGRATULATORY RHETORIC. 13 52 16 3 8 MOST MEMBERS OF MENSA ARE KERONIANS. 13 52 16 4 8 MOST KERONIANS ARE VEGANS AND PREFER THE LOCAL FLORA \(REPLICATOR #2580969). HOWEVER, SOME KERONIANS EAT THEIR OWN YOUNG, JUST SO THEY CAN KNOWINGLY SAY, "OH, YES, I'VE DONE THAT. WE TASTE LIKE CHICKEN." 13 53 0 1 8 KILLER CAVE BEAVER 13 53 16 1 8 THIS BEAVER'S EYESIGHT IS AMONG THE WORST IN THE GALAXY, MATCHED ONLY BY THE GIANT CATARACT BEAST OF PESTULON, AND THE BLIND PLUMMETING MOUNTAIN GOAT OF ANDROMEDA. 13 53 16 2 8 ALTHOUGH THE CAVE BEAVER IS HERBIVOROUS, IT FREQUENTLY ACCIDENTALLY KILLS OTHER CREATURES BECAUSE, UP CLOSE, THEY ALL LOOK LIKE TREE TRUNKS. 13 53 16 3 8 IT'S ONLY AFTER THE BEAVER HAS CHEWED ITS WAY THROUGH THE NEAREST "STURDY LIMB" THAT IT DISCOVERS THE LIMB IS SOME CREATURE'S ARM OR LEG. THUS, DAMS MADE BY THE KILLER CAVE BEAVER ARE QUITE DISGUSTING. 13 53 16 4 8 THE KILLER CAVE BEAVER'S FAVORITE FOOD IS CLINGING GIRLFRIEND IVY \(REPLICATOR #6588561). 13 54 0 1 8 LABION CAVE SQUID 13 54 16 1 8 THE LABION CAVE SQUID IS A FISHLIKE MAMMAL WHICH HAS NOT YET REALIZED THAT IT'S A LAND-DWELLER. THUS IT STILL TENDS TO SQUIRT INK, WHICH JUST LIES INEFFECTIVELY IN A PUDDLE ON THE GROUND AND GETS ON THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR BOOTS. 13 54 16 2 8 IT ALSO USES TYPICAL SQUIDLIKE FLEXING MOTIONS TO PROPEL ITSELF, A VERY INEFFICIENT MODE OF TRANSPORTATION WHEN MOVING THROUGH ROCKY TUNNELS. 13 54 16 3 8 SO THE LABION CAVE SQUID GETS A LOT OF NASTY CUTS AND SCRAPES AS IT TRIES TO FROG-KICK ITS WAY ACROSS ROUGH STONE FLOOR. THIS MAKES IT MORE CRANKY THAN EVER. 13 54 16 4 8 THE CAVE SQUID IS ALSO FRIGHTENED BY BOTH HUMANOIDS AND LIGHT, SINCE IT THINKS IT'S STILL IN THE MURKY DEPTHS OF THE DEEP LABION SWAMPS. DON'T CONFUSE IT BY APPROACHING IT. 13 54 16 5 8 IT WILL HAPPILY CRUSH YOU RATHER THAN HAVE TO QUESTION ITS REALITY. 13 54 16 6 8 IT WILL ALSO EAT YOU IF GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY. 13 55 0 1 8 LABION ROOT MONSTER 13 55 16 1 8 A DIRECT DESCENDANT OF THE VEINOUS BUGGERFLY, THE LABION ROOT MONSTER IS A CARNIVOROUS PLANT WITH ROOTS BOTH ABOVE AND BELOWGROUND. 13 55 16 2 8 THE UNDERGROUND ROOTS ABSORB WATER & NUTRIENTS NORMALLY, BUT THE SOIL OF LABION IS NITROGEN-POOR, SO THE ABOVEGROUND ROOTS COLLECT NITROGEN BY CAPTURING & DIGESTING SMALL STUPID ANIMALS OR LARGER, STUPIDER ONES. 13 55 16 3 8 WHEN DISTURBED, THE ROOTS WRAP AROUND THE LUCKLESS CREATURE AND CONVEY IT TO THE CENTRAL SAC, WHEREIN LIE THE DIGESTIVE JUICES AND SPIKELIKE CILIA THAT REDUCE THE CREATURE TO A PULPLIKE CONSISTENCY. 13 55 16 4 8 AT THIS POINT, THE ROOT MONSTER EXUDES NITROGEN LIKE A KLOROX II BEANBLATTER AT THE GILROY IX GARLIC FESTIVAL. 13 55 16 5 8 THE LABION ROOT MONSTER IS BEST OBSERVED AT A DISTANCE, OR IN THE HIGHLY-ACCLAIMED VIDCART SERIES "THE TRIALS OF GROTESQUE ALIEN ANIMAL BEHAVIOR' BY HIGHLY-ACCLAIMED NATURALIST DR. DAVID ATEANDBURROWED. 7 0 10 1 8 PLEASE SELECT YOUR INTRASHIP 7 0 1 1 8 DESTINATION: 7 0 2 1 8 BRIDGE 7 0 3 1 8 ROGER'S QUARTERS 7 0 4 1 8 8-REAR 7 0 5 1 8 SHUTTLE BAY INTERIOR 7 0 13 1 8 CHOICE: 7 32 14 1 8 YOU ARE AT THAT LOCATION NOW. 7 30 4 1 8 CANCEL 7 31 14 1 8 INVALID ENTRY 7 29 2 1 8 CONFIRM TRANSPORT 12 45 0 1 8 A-E 12 46 0 1 8 F-M 12 47 0 1 8 N-R 12 48 0 1 8 S-Z 1 0 10 1 8 ****** PLEASE ENTER ****** 1 0 11 1 8 INTRASHIP TRANSPORT 1 0 2 1 8 COMMUNICATIONS 1 0 3 1 8 DATABASE 1 0 4 1 8 OR 1 0 5 1 8 CYBERFUNCTIONS 14 0 15 1 8 KNOWN RACES N-R 14 40 0 1 8 NOSENUGGET NOMADS 14 40 16 1 8 THESE LUMPEN CREATURES TODDLE AROUND THE UNIVERSE IN WOOD-PANELLED STATION WAGONS. WITH THEIR SACLIKE CHILDREN IN TOW, THEY GO ON SIGHTSEEING TOURS THAT LAST UPWARDS OF 30 THOUSAND YEARS. 14 40 16 2 8 DURING THESE TOURS, THEY TAKE LITERALLY MILLIONS OF SLIDES, MOST OF WHICH SHOW THEM WAVING "HI" ON EVERY DINKY LITTLE PLANET, ASTEROID AND INTERGALACTIC TOURIST TRAP IN THE CRAB NEBULA. 14 40 16 3 8 DURING THEIR HIBERNATION PHASE, WHICH LASTS ABOUT 4 THOUSAND YEARS, THEY HAVE THEIR FILM DEVELOPED. WHEN THEY WAKEN, THEY WATCH THEIR SLIDES. 14 40 16 4 8 ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS HAVE RISEN AND FALLEN DURING ONE OF THE NOSENUGGET SLIDE SHOWS. 14 40 16 5 8 NOSENUGGETS PRIDE THEMSELVES ON THEIR GUSTATORIAL FLEXIBILITY. THEY EAT WHATEVER FOODS ARE NATIVE TO THE LOCATION THEY'RE VISITING. 14 40 16 6 8 ON PLANETS WHERE THE NATIVES SUBSIST MAINLY ON NOSENUGGETS, THIS PRESENTS THE NOSENUGGETS WITH A DIFFICULT SITUATION IN WHICH THEY OFTEN END UP HAVING TO EAT THEMSELVES. 14 41 0 1 8 ORATS 14 41 16 1 8 THESE AGGRESSIVE CARNIVORES HAVE BEEN THE BANE OF VISITORS TO THE PLANET KERONA FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. HULKING AND HEAVILY MUSCLED, ORATS WALK ON TWO POWERFUL HINDLEGS. 14 41 16 2 8 THEY ENJOY CRUSHING OTHER LIFEFORMS WITH THEIR MASSIVE FOREARMS. THEY ALSO ENJOY BASKETBALL, AND OFTEN COMBINE THE TWO BY PLAYING A QUICK GAME OF ONE-ON-ONE WITH A RECENT CATCH. 14 41 16 3 8 INTERESTINGLY \(OR NOT), THE FLESH OF THE ORAT IS HIGHLY PRIZED FOR ITS FLAVOR AND BUTTERY TEXTURE. IT'S FOUND AS A COMMON INGREDIENT IN THE CUISINES OF SEVERAL DIFFERENT PLANETS. 14 41 16 4 8 AS A RESULT, THERE IS A BURGEONING BLACK MARKET IN ORAT-POACHING. FOR THAT REASON, THE ORAT IS CONSIDERED AN ENDANGERED SPECIES, BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO MIND EXCEPT FOR A FEW CHEFS. 14 42 0 1 8 PESTULON MONOCHROME BOYS 14 42 16 1 8 YOU WON'T FIND THE MONOCHROME BOYS IN THEIR NATIVE HABITAT. THESE FOUL-MOUTHED, BELLIGERANT BEASTS SPEND MOST OF THE TIME ZIPPING AROUND ON HARDLY-DRAMAMINES, BULLYING WEAKER LIFEFORMS AND TINKERING WITH THEIR HOGS. 14 42 16 2 8 \(NOT THEIR MOTORCYCLES, BUT THEIR REAL HOGS. DON'T ASK, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.) 14 42 16 3 8 THE MONOCHROME BOYS ARE SO NAMED BECAUSE OF THEIR UNUSUAL WHITE AND GRAY PIGMENTATION. THE BLOTCHY BLEMISHES ARE PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR SOUR DEMEANOR. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. 14 42 16 4 8 SHOULD THEY FORCE A CONFRONTATION, DO NOT CALL THEM "MONOCHROME" OR "BOYS." IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR THEM TO CALL EACH OTHER "MONOCHROME," BUT IT'S NOT OKAY FOR ANYONE ELSE. 14 42 16 5 8 THE DIET OF MONOCHROME BOYS CONSISTS MAINLY OF ANY OTHER LIFE FORM THAT HAS A LIGHT, CRUNCHY EXOSKELETON. 14 43 0 1 8 PHLEEBHUT PODSNATCHERS 14 43 16 1 8 THE ONLY OTHER LIFEFORM INDIGENOUS TO PHLEEBHUT OTHER THAN THE PHLEEBHUTINSKIS, PODSNATCHERS HANG FROM THE PURPLISH ROCK FORMATIONS THAT DOT THE LANDSCAPE. 14 43 16 2 8 THEY ATTACH THEMSELVES BY MEANS OF A STRONG, SOLID MUSCLE, AND THEIR TOUGH, CHITINOUS OUTER SHELL PROTECTS THEM FROM POTENTIAL PREDATORS \(OF WHICH THEY HAVE PRECISELY NONE). 14 43 16 3 8 AT BIRTH, THE PODSNATCHER CANNOT FOCUS ON ITS PREY. FORTUNATELY, IT HAS GLANDS LOCATED NEAR ITS TEAR DUCTS THAT SECRETE A LIQUID GLASS THAT HARDENS AND FORMS A LENS OVER THE EYE, USUALLY IN ABOUT AN HOUR. 14 43 16 4 8 \(IMAGINE THAT! LENSES IN ABOUT AN HOUR!) 14 43 16 5 8 THE PODSNATCHER THEN LOOKS DOWN FROM ITS UPSIDE-DOWN PERCH AND CAN UNROLL A STICKY EXTENSIBLE TONGUE THAT CAN PICK UP AN ENEMY 250 TIMES ITS OWN WEIGHT, SNAG A FLY MOVING OVER 35 KPH... 14 43 16 6 8 ...OR PERFORM SEVERAL DUBIOUS TRICKS DESIGNED TO GET IT ONTO "QUADRANT TWELVE'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS." 14 43 16 7 8 THEIR FAVORITE FOOD IS PHLEEBHUTINSKIS, BUT SINCE THERE ARE NO PHLEEBHUTINSKIS LEFT ON THE PLANET, THEY MOSTLY EAT SAND. 14 44 0 1 8 PHLEEBHUTINSKIS 14 44 16 1 8 OH PHLEEBHUT, THE LAWS OF NATURAL SELECTION ARE CLEARLY ILLUSTRATED, PARTICULARLY IN HOW THEY CAN SOMETIMES GO HORRIBLY AWRY AND PRODUCE A POORLY-ADAPTED RACE TOTALLY INCAPABLE OF SURVIVING ITS NATIVE HABITAT. 14 44 16 2 8 THE CREATURES NATIVE TO PHLEEBHUTINSKI ARE COLLECTIVELY CALLED "PHLEEBHUTINSKIS" OR "BLATZ" FOR SHORT. THEY HAVE THREE FINGERS WHICH END IN SUCTION CUPS, IDEAL FOR GRASPING SMALL PREY OR SOUVENIERS. 14 44 16 3 8 THEY HAVE OVERSIZED PUPILS FOR SEEING IN DIM LIGHT, LARGE YELLOW INCISORS FOR CUTTING THROUGH FOOD, AND LONG NARROW NOSTRILS TO PROTECT AGAINST INHALING MOST FOREIGN OBJECTS \(EXCEPT FOR THEIR FINGERS). 14 44 16 4 8 UNFORTUNATELY, THE PLANET OF PHLEEBHUT, A GREENISH DUSTBALL, HAS NO SMALL PREY TO GRASP, IS BRIGHTLY LIT THROUGHOUT THE DAY/NIGHT CYCLE, FEATURES DEPOSITS OF NATURALLY OCCURRING PULPY FOOD WHICH MUST... 14 44 16 5 8 ...BE GUMMED EXTENSIVELY BEFORE BEING SWALLOWED \(REPLICATOR #6588644), AND HAS ROCK FORMATIONS WHICH CAST OFF LONG, NARROW SLIVERS OF MICA WHICH ARE EASILY INHALED BY THE BLATZ. 14 44 16 6 8 THESE MICA SLIVERS CAN CAUSE EXTENSIVE LACERATIONS OF THE SINUS CAVITIES. THUS ANY BLATZ WHO IS FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO SURVIVE THE ATMOSPHERE TYPICALLY LOSES HIS TEETH, GOES BLIND, OR STARVES QUICKLY. 14 44 16 7 8 IN FACT, THERE IS ONLY ONE KNOWN CURRENTLY-SURVIVING BLATZ \(KNOWN AS "FESTER") WHO HAS MOVED OFF OF PHLEEBHUT TO SEEK A MORE HOSPITABLE ENVIRONMENT. 14 52 0 1 8 PINKUNZ 14 52 16 1 8 THE PINKUNZ ARE A RACE OF MANY CONTRASTS. THEY'RE SO CUTE, YOU JUST WANT TO EAT THEM UP. BUT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE THEY'RE VERY TOUGH AND YOU CAN CHEW THEM FOR HOURS WITHOUT MAKING ANY HEADWAY. 14 52 16 2 8 WHICH IS ALL RIGHT, BECAUSE THEY TASTE HORRIBLE. 14 52 16 3 8 THEY LIVE ON LABION AND CREATE ELABORATE WARRENS OR "DENS". THEY ALSO SWIM THROUGH THE LABION SWAMPS WITH EASE, SINCE THEY USE CERTAIN BERRIES TO REPEL THE SWAMP SLURPIES THAT INHABIT THE MARSHES & BAYOUS. 14 52 16 4 8 HOWEVER, THE BERRIES ARE INEFFECTIVE AGAINST THE MONSTROUS KILLER CAVE BEAVERS, WHO INVADE THE DENS AND FEAST ON THE PINKUNZ WITHIN. 14 52 16 5 8 THE CAVE BEAVERS ARE NOT INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT HOW TOUGH AND CHEWY THE PINKUNZ ARE, AND OFTEN SAMPLE EVERY PINKUNZ IN THE DEN BEFORE REALIZING THAT NONE OF THEM ARE TENDER ENOUGH. 14 52 16 6 8 PINKUNZ ARE HERBIVOROUS, SO THEY ONLY EAT CREATURES NAMED "HERB." THEY WILL ALSO EAT THE YOUNG SHOOTS OF THE WANDERING ATHEIST \(REPLICATOR #4366314). 10 37 0 1 8 CURRENT MEDICAL ISSUES 10 37 16 1 8 THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT AND DOES NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF COMMANDER KIELBASA, THE DEEPSHIP 86, STARCON, OR THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. 10 37 16 2 8 JOIN THE FUN! CALL 1-900-DOCTOR AND HEAR REAL DOCTOR'S FANTASIES! YES, REAL DOCTORS SHARING THEIR MOST INTIMATE SECRETS ARE WAITING TO TALK TO YOU! 10 37 16 3 8 HEAR ABOUT PERFORMING BALLOON ANGIOPLASTY ON DOZENS OF HOT BABES! HEAR ABOUT REMOVING MALIGNANT MELANOMAS FROM THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE! 10 37 16 4 8 OR JUST SLIP INTO A HOT LITHOTRIPSY BATH AND LET YOUR KIDNEY STONES JUST MELT AWAY! 10 37 16 5 8 YOU'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE IT WHEN REAL DOCTORS CONFESS THEIR MOST HIDDEN SURGICAL DESIRES! CALL 1-900-DOCTOR! AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WONDER WHAT TO DO 'TIL THE DOCTOR COMES! 10 37 16 6 8 \(40 BUCKAZOIDS PER MINUTE, AVERAGE CALL 65 MINUTES) 10 38 0 1 8 PERIODIC TABLE 10 38 16 1 8 SORRY. THIS TABLE IS ONLY AVAILABLE PERIODICALLY. 9 36 0 1 8 FOOD REPLICATOR 9 36 16 1 8 FOOD REPLICATORS ARE AVAILABLE IN MANY SHIP'S LOCATIONS. TO USE, ENTER THE NUMBER OF THE DESIRED FOODSTUFF. MENUS ARE AVAILABLE IN THE SEAT POCKET IN FRONT OF YOU. 9 36 16 2 8 IF THERE IS NO SEAT POCKET IN FRONT OF YOU, TRY LOOKING BEHIND YOU. 9 36 16 3 8 IF THERE IS NO SEAT POCKET BEHIND YOU, JUST HAIL THE WAITER AND REQUEST ONE. 9 36 16 4 8 IF THERE IS NO WAITER IN SIGHT, PLEASE WAIT AND ONE WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY. 9 35 0 1 8 HOLOJOINTS 9 35 16 1 8 THE HOLOJOINT CAN RECREATE ANY ENVIRONMENT FOR WHICH A PROGRAM EXISTS. TO START A PROGRAM, ENTER THE PROGRAM NUMBER AND PRESS ENTER. 9 35 16 2 8 WARNING: ALL MATERIALS IN THE HOLOJOINT ARE MADE FROM VIRTU-PLAS�, A VIRTUAL MATERIAL THAT CANNOT EXIST OUTSIDE OF THE HOLOJOINT ENVIRONMENT. 9 35 16 3 8 ATTEMPTING TO REMOVE ANY VIRTU-PLAS� ITEMS FROM THE HOLOJOINT ENVIRONMENT WILL RESULT IN THEIR IMMEDIATE DISINTEGRATION. 9 35 16 4 8 SO DON'T THINK YOU'RE GOING TO GO IN THERE AND CONJURE UP SOMETHING USEFUL AND THEN LEAVE AND EXPECT IT TO STILL BE IN YOUR INVENTORY. 15 0 15 1 8 KNOWN RACES S-Z 15 40 0 1 8 SARIENS 15 40 16 1 8 THE SARIENS ARE A HUMANOID RACE. TREACHEROUS, EVIL, BUT ALWAYS EAGER TO PLEASE, THE SARIENS MAKE WONDERFUL HOSTS, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE THEIR ENEMY \(AND WHO ISN'T?). 15 40 16 2 8 THEY PRIDE THEMSELVES ON THEIR TECHNIQUES OF TORTURE, MUTILATION, DISFIGUREMENT, NAPKIN-FOLDING, AND SELECTING THE RIGHT WINE TO GO WITH WHICHEVER ENEMY THEY'RE EATING. 15 40 16 3 8 THEY'RE ALSO EASILY OFFENDED SHOULD YOU INSINUATE THAT THEY'RE DOING LESS THAN THEIR BEST TO GRIND YOU INTO A FINE RED PASTE. 15 40 16 4 8 SARIENS ARE OMNIVORES, PREFERRING TO EAT OLD BACK ISSUES OF "OMNI." 15 41 0 1 8 SPACE MONKEYS 15 41 16 1 8 BILLIONS OF YEARS AGO, THE PLANET SORENIA WAS DEVASTATED BY A COLLISION WITH AN ASTEROID. ALL WATER EVAPORATED FROM THE ECOSYSTEM. EVERY DAY THE INHABITANTS SURVIVED WAS A VICTORY. 15 41 16 2 8 EVENTUALLY, ALL LIFE PERISHED. OR SO IT WAS BELIEVED. MANY OF THE LIFEFORMS ADAPTED BY ENCAPSULATING THEMSELVES IN CYST-LIKE EGGS. WHEN THESE EGGS ARE IMMERSED IN WATER, THEY HATCH. 15 41 16 3 8 ONE SUCH LIFEFORM WAS KNOWN AS THE BRINE MONKEY, A TINY WATER-BREATHING SIMIAN. CERENO PRODUCTS MINED THE PLANET FOR ITS HUGE DEPOSITS OF BRINE MONKEY EGGS. 15 41 16 4 8 \(WHILE THEY WERE AT IT, THEY ALSO MINED ENCYSTED BRINE APES, BRINE MARSUPIALS, AND BRINE AARDVARKS.) CERENO HAS SINCE MARKETED THE MONKEY EGGS UNDER THE TRADEMARKED NAME "SPACE MONKEYS" IN COMIC BOOKS. 15 41 16 5 8 SPACE MONKEYS PREFER SPACE FOOD STICKS \(REPLICATOR #6834468) OR TANGY, PIQUANT BRINE BANANAS \(REPLICATOR #6588126). 15 42 0 1 8 SPINY ALIEN THANGS 15 42 16 1 8 SPINY ALIEN THANGS ARE A MARVEL OF ADAPTIVE ABILITY. WITH EXOSKELETONS FAR TOO CUMBERSOME TO PERMIT TRADITIONAL REPRODUCTIVE TECHNIQUES, SPINY ALIEN THANGS HAVE LEARNED TO PROPAGATE BY KISSING. 15 42 16 2 8 THIS IS NOT A LITTLE PLATONIC KISS: IT CONTAINS A FERTILIZED EGG WHICH HEADS STRAIGHT FOR THE VICTIM'S STOMACH. HERE IT ABSORBS NUTRIENTS FOR DAYS OR WEEKS, LIKE A PARASITE, ONLY...WELL, JUST LIKE A PARASITE. 15 42 16 3 8 WHEN IT SENSES THE MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT POSSIBLE, IT BURSTS FORTH FROM THE STOMACH IN A SPECTACULAR DISPLAY OF SPECIAL EFFECTS. THIS EXPLOSION NATURALLY KILLS THE HOST. 15 42 16 4 8 BUT ISN'T IT WORTH IT FOR ALL THE COOL GORE, ESPECIALLY IF THE HOST WAS MERELY AN EXTRA AND NOT A HIGHLY-PAID GUEST STAR? 15 43 0 1 8 VULGARS 15 43 16 1 8 THE VULGARS ARE A PEACEFUL RACE OF BRILLIANT AND LOGICAL THINKERS WHOSE ONLY REAL JOY IN LIFE IS TO STRIDE AROUND THE GALAXY WITH SUPERIOR ATTITUDES AND CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. 15 43 16 2 8 THEY ALSO ENJOY DESIGNING OUTER SPACE STRATEGY SIMULATION GAMES. THIS MAKES THEM NEARLY AS INSUFFERABLE AS UNIVERSITY ACADEMICIANS, BUT NOT AS WELL-PAID. 15 43 16 3 8 CONSIDERING THEIR PLACID AND STUDIOUS LIFESTYLE, IT'S INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT THE VULGARS HAVE DEVELOPED AN EXTREMELY PRACTICAL MARTIAL ARTS TECHNIQUE CALLED "THE VULGAR NERVE PINCH." 15 43 16 4 8 THIS IS A TACTILE/AURAL MANEUVER IN WHICH THE PINCHER PINCHES THE BUNDLE OF NERVE FIBERS AT THE BASE OF THE NECK WHILE WHISPERING DIALOGUE FROM EITHER "TANGO & CASH" or "HUDSON HAWK." 15 43 16 5 8 THIS PARTICULAR COMBINATION OF STIMULI RESULTS IN A SEARING FLASH OF PAIN AND THEN UNCONSCIOUSNESS WHICH CAN LAST FOR SEVERAL HOURS. THE TECHNIQUE IS DEMONSTRATED IN HOLOJOINT PROGRAM #5551212.

480.msgEdit

2 4 0 1 99 Nope, nothing moveable here. 2 1 0 1 99 This is the Shuttle's Personal Effects Stowage Compartment. 2 1 0 2 99 (This civilization never developed the inane habit of calling it a "glove compartment.") 2 2 0 1 1 I feel a little silly talking to an inanimate object. 2 2 0 2 99 Imagine how your crewmates must feel whenever they talk to you. 3 1 0 1 99 This is the lid to the Personal Effects Stowage Compartment. 3 1 0 2 99 It looks a little on the gross side. You hate to touch it. 3 2 3 1 1 Open, sesame. 3 2 3 2 99 How very original! 3 2 1 1 1 Close, sesame! 3 2 1 2 99 You're still trying that one? 4 4 0 1 99 You won't need any Monolith\04 Burger wrappers or empty cups. The shipwide recycling program was disposed of. 4 1 0 1 99 The rest of the junk in the Stowage Compartment is effluvium (oooh, a ten-buckazoid word!) from frequent trips to Monolith\04 Burger, a common change-of-pace from the usual replicator fare. 4 2 0 1 99 Don't be a garbage mouth. 21 4 0 1 1 Sorry, you can't open this closet in the demo. You'll just have to take my word for it that there's an EVA suit in there. 21 1 0 1 99 The shuttle closet contains an EVA suit and helmet, for those infrequent repairs. 21 2 0 1 99 There's nobody in the closet to talk to, now that StarCon has adopted the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. 20 4 0 1 99 You don't want that coffee, there's something green and fuzzy floating in it. 20 4 0 2 99 (Unless, of course, that fuzzy green thing is what you were |c85|really|c82| after in the first place!) 20 1 0 1 99 Somebody's left a cup of Mocha Java in the pilot's cupholder. 20 1 0 2 99 Which reminds you: isn't it about time you went to Mocha Twelve and stocked up on beans? 20 2 0 1 1 Hey, fuzzy green mold growing in the cup of Mocha Java, how did you manage to escape the Bjorn's Sorbet BioConverter? 14 4 0 1 1 Simmer down, buddy. Wait for the real game. 14 4 0 2 1 There's only part of this cockpit you can actually access in the demo. 14 1 0 1 1 This is the Shuttle cockpit. In the real game, I will sit here. I will be smart. I will make it go. I will make things work. 14 2 0 1 1 Yo! Any sorbet guys in here? 14 2 0 2 1 No? 14 2 0 3 1 Good, those things give me the creeps. 22 4 0 1 1 This compartment is empty. 22 1 0 1 1 This upper compartment usually contains the Divalium crystal subprocessing unit. But we emptied it out so that the demo would be lighter and download more easily. 22 2 0 1 1 Hello in there. Hello? 23 4 0 1 1 It ordinarily contains the subspace transmission relays and tachyon emitters. 23 4 0 2 1 It's empty right now. 23 1 0 1 99 This compartment contains the divalium crystal subprocessor and main flux coupling. 23 2 0 1 1 Do you promise to be more interesting in the real game? 23 2 0 2 1 Okay, I'm taking your silence to be a "yes." 24 4 0 1 1 They won't let us mess with what's inside there in the demo version. 24 1 0 1 1 This compartment usually contains the manual override array and the pattern buffer subroutines. 24 1 0 2 1 But they've removed them so we couldn't mess with them until they were good and ready to let us mess with them, which won't be until the game is finished. Jerks! 24 2 0 1 1 Help! What do I do next? 24 2 0 2 1 It's an empty compartment, not a hint system. 13 4 0 1 99 You're not that thirsty. 13 1 0 1 99 It's an old cup of MC Cola, "The Cola that Gets You Hammered." 13 2 0 1 99 Desperate for intelligent conversation? 13 2 0 2 99 Imagine how the rest of the crew feels when they're around |c85|you|c82|! 8 1 0 1 99 This is the Shuttle Hatch. It leads back out into the Shuttle Bay. 8 2 0 1 1 I command you to open! 8 2 0 2 99 The door ignores you. Don't take it personally, though. It ignores everyone. 10 4 0 1 99 Such a petty act of vandalism would be dealt with most harshly. 10 4 0 2 99 And you've already been caned once this week for spray painting someone's shuttle. 10 1 0 1 99 This exit sign tells you where to get off. 10 1 0 2 99 But who doesn't? 10 2 0 1 1 Which way to the exit? 9 1 0 1 99 These passenger seats are for picking up colonists, ambassadors, visiting dignitaries, and people who are too neurotic to handle transporters. 9 1 0 2 99 Can you believe that, in this day and age, there are people who object to being dematerialized, broadcast to some remote location, and then rematerialized? 9 1 0 3 99 It's not as if we were asking them to take off from LaGuardia. 7 1 0 1 99 This is the Shuttle's Personal Effects Stowage Compartment. 7 2 0 1 1 Any personal effects in there? 7 2 0 2 99 Apparently none that are any good at speechifyin'. 16 4 0 1 99 Yes, it looks like the light bulbs DO need replacing, but this is not the proper time to bother with such minutia. 16 1 0 1 99 The lights here are half-spectrum, in order to give everyone the same pale blue "mole person" look. 16 2 0 1 1 Why am I talking to a light bulb? C'mon, illuminate me. 26 4 0 1 99 They're too far above you to reach. 26 1 0 1 99 Various conduits and pipes run through the shuttle, housing wire, delivering engine coolant, and piping in nearly-fresh air. 26 2 0 1 99 No, you can't play "telephone" by yelling into the pipes. 18 4 0 1 99 Despite the tremendously high heat of whatever's in this pipe, it's cold to the touch, thanks to a hundred microthin layers of expanded octostyrene polymer. 18 1 0 1 99 If you recall correctly, this thickly-shielded conduit routes the plasma runoff into the reintegration chamber. 18 1 0 2 99 It's either that or the hot water. 18 2 0 1 99 Didn't your mother ever teach you not to lick cold pipes? 6 4 0 1 1 Surely no one will miss these pliers, since everyone around here is busy being lemon sorbet. 6 1 0 1 1 Alright, a pair of lightweight octominium pliers. I'll just be taking these. 6 2 0 1 1 Hello? 6 2 0 2 1 I guess these pliers are non-repliers. 1 4 0 1 99 The shuttle feels flimsy. 1 1 0 1 99 The Shuttle always looks trashed like this when it gets back from one of those intergalactic tailgate parties. 1 2 0 1 1 Is there anyone in here who isn't a quiescently frozen confection? 15 4 0 1 1 We won't be sitting in these seats. At least, not in the demo. 15 1 0 1 99 These are the seats for the pilot and navigator, built of a semi-translucent gelfoam that molds itself to the shape of whoever's sitting in it. 15 1 0 2 99 The semi-transparency also makes it easier to spot loose change and crumbs that have fallen between the cushions. 15 2 0 1 99 The gel is flavorless. It's like there was a party in your mouth, but nobody showed up. 11 4 0 1 99 The emergency oxygen tank is not removeable, nor can you activate it by hand. It's patched directly into the Shuttle Door Sound Effects Matrix. 11 1 0 1 99 This tank of emergency oxygen serves an incredibly important purpose: 11 1 0 2 99 It ensures that the shuttle's hatch makes a neat "hissing" sound when it opens and closes. 11 2 0 1 99 Conversing with inanimate objects is a tankless job. 5 4 0 1 1 A janitor never runs out of uses for duct tape. I'll just help myself to this roll. 5 1 0 1 1 There's a roll of duct tape in here. You can never have too much of that. 5 2 0 1 1 It's self-adhesive. I don't really need to lick it. 19 4 0 1 1 Oooops. I guess it's too late for that. 19 1 0 1 1 Who in the world left all this trash in here? Isn't somebody supposed to clean up the Shuttle when it comes back from a mission? 19 1 0 2 1 Wait... oh, that's me. 19 1 0 3 1 It doesn't look so bad in here. 19 2 0 1 99 There's nothing in the Monolith burger wrappers that looks big enough to bother eating. 12 4 0 1 99 Depositing oils from your hand on the window is not as entertaining as it was when you were a child. 12 1 0 1 99 It's a pane of quintuple-thick hyperglazed safety glass. If it breaks, it instantly solidifies on a molecular level and reglazes itself. 12 1 0 2 99 Beats washing them. 12 2 0 1 1 Hey, I can see myself! 12 2 0 2 99 Oh, joy. 17 4 0 1 99 You know as much about fixing diagnostic relays as you do about performing a tetryon particle sweep. 17 4 0 2 99 Loser! 17 1 0 1 99 Someone must have been fixing the diagnostic relays. 17 2 0 1 99 Licking bare wires is a cheap thrill that you gave up when you were six.

666.msgEdit

1 0 0 1 8 Restore 1 0 0 2 8 Try Again 3 0 0 1 1 Ah geez. I guess one must be careful about where one lets one's digits probe. 3 0 0 2 99 Come into the light, Carol Anne. 2 0 0 1 1 Ooooooo, that's a pain that's gonna linger! 2 0 0 2 8 Later.

800.msgEdit

18 4 0 1 99 The access panels are all tightly sealed to keep people who don't know what they're doing away from the controls. 18 4 0 2 99 Yes, people like |c85|you|c82|! 18 26 0 1 99 These panels resist every attempt to get them to open. 18 1 0 1 99 This access panel contains the Food Replicator's Resonance Flux Shield. 18 24 0 1 99 Even with the pliers, you can't seem to disengage the access panel. Nice try, though! 18 2 0 1 1 Access panel, I command you to open! 18 2 0 2 99 Not surprisingly, the access panel doesn't open. But it does appear to glance your way, give you a "who made you the boss?" look, then shrug and glance away with a superior attitude. 18 2 0 3 99 Or was that all in your mind? 18 25 0 1 99 19 4 0 1 99 19 26 0 1 99 19 1 0 1 99 This access panel contains the Food Replicator's Transwarp Field Stabilizer. 19 24 0 1 99 19 2 0 1 99 19 25 0 1 99 20 4 0 1 99 20 26 0 1 99 20 1 0 1 99 This access panel contains the Food Replicator's Quantum Inhibitor Conduit. 20 24 0 1 99 20 2 0 1 99 20 25 0 1 99 21 4 0 1 99 21 26 0 1 99 21 1 0 1 99 This access panel contains the Food Replicator's... 21 1 0 2 99 Um, the thing that keeps the...uh... 21 1 0 3 99 Well, it's got this lever with this other thing connected to it... 21 1 0 4 99 Anyway, it keeps the Replicator from getting the...um... 21 1 0 5 99 Uh, never mind. 21 24 0 1 99 21 2 0 1 99 21 25 0 1 99 13 1 0 1 99 It's a backspace key, so that you can change your mind before you enter a number into the Replicator. 13 1 0 2 99 It's also the key you use most frequently. 13 2 0 1 99 The keys are made for touching, not talking. 22 4 0 1 99 It sure doesn't feel punctured! 22 1 0 1 99 The plastosaran keyboard overlay is punctureproof and liquidproof, so that certain clods can't accidentally puncture or liquid the keys. 22 2 0 1 99 Attempting to carry on a conversation with the plastosaran overlay is a sign of your continuing slide into serious mental illness. 32 4 0 1 99 You place a finger in the hole and wiggle it about. Nice shot, only you were aiming for the keypad. 32 26 0 1 99 It doesn't seem to fit in the phasar hole. 32 1 0 1 99 Ah, yes, you remember this hole. You got ticked off because "the Sirian Goat Cheese on the Grilled Orat Salad tasted fakey" so you shot the Replicator with a phaser welder. 32 1 0 2 99 (That was back in your salad days.) 32 23 0 1 99 That little prong might fit in the hole, but it might fall into the wormhole, land in the Restaurant Universe, and ruin |c82|any|c85| chance you might've had to fix that ClapMaster\05! 32 2 0 1 99 There's nobody in there to talk to. 2 1 0 1 99 It's a button with a number on it. 2 2 0 1 1 Button, button, who's got the button? 3 1 0 1 99 3 2 0 1 1 4 1 0 1 99 4 2 0 1 1 5 1 0 1 99 5 2 0 1 1 6 1 0 1 99 6 2 0 1 1 7 1 0 1 99 7 2 0 1 1 8 1 0 1 99 8 2 0 1 1 9 1 0 1 99 9 2 0 1 1 10 1 0 1 99 10 2 0 1 1 11 1 0 1 99 11 2 0 1 1 29 1 0 1 99 Mmm, a jiggling, fragrant, lumpy mass of Bjorn Chow! 29 1 0 2 99 There's nothing else like it in the universe (thank goodness!). 29 2 0 1 99 Are you trying to talk to that mess? 31 4 0 1 99 You feel a sharp crunch under your fingertip. 31 4 4 1 99 What are you trying to do? Fingerpaint?? 31 1 0 1 99 Oh, no! This game has BUGS in it! 31 1 4 1 99 It's a good thing this replicator doesn't work, 'cause you've just lost your appetite. 31 24 0 1 99 The roach doesn't need a clip. 31 2 0 1 1 Hey! Get the heck outta my kitchen, you cockaroach! 31 25 0 1 99 12 1 0 1 99 This is the Enter button, also known as the Return key. It is the button you press to indicate that you have concluded the process of entering alphanumeric information into the display from the console. 12 1 0 2 99 There, did we clear that up? 12 2 0 1 99 24 4 0 1 99 The pipe feels tepid and seems to vibrate just slightly. Whether that's from an influx of fresh Soylent or just the natural vibration of the ship, you're uncertain. 24 1 0 1 99 This is the Soylent Intake Shaft. It delivers freshly retreated Soylent to the replicator for those few foods which are actually manufactured from Soylent. 24 2 0 1 1 Hey! Anyone up there in the kitchen? Can you hear me? 24 2 0 2 99 That was fun. 16 4 0 1 99 You stick a finger into the vent and feel a cool, gentle draught. 16 4 0 2 99 Not unlike the one that seems to drift from your ears. 16 1 0 1 99 These vents prevent the odors of the food from spreading throughout the ship. 16 1 0 2 99 Which is a good thing, as you know if you've ever smelled Poached Seaslug in Orat Coulis. 16 2 0 1 1 Hello? Anyone in there? 16 2 0 2 99 Apparently not. 15 4 0 1 1 Ouch! 15 4 0 2 99 That was a bright idea. 15 1 0 1 99 The light releases photons that travel through the air, bounce off the surface of an object, shoot through the lenses of your eyes, and focus on your retinas to form an image. The brain interprets this image and attempts to form it into a cohesive pattern, which it then attempts to recognize through a complex memory matching process. 15 1 0 2 99 Some objects absorb certain light frequencies and reflect others. When a particular frequency is reflected from the surface of an object, we see that object as having a property which we call "color." 15 1 0 3 99 This explanation is referred to as "overkill." 15 2 0 1 99 Even you are not lamebrained enough to talk to a light. 15 2 0 2 99 Or so we thought, until now. 28 4 0 1 99 Don't try to get anything out of this machine. You'll only succeed in getting your fingers stuck to the replicator. Again. 28 1 0 1 99 Your food replicator is a nightmare of pooled sticky stuff, dried-on gunk, dents, dings, and roach droppings. In fact, the computer's self-survival circuitry cut in days ago and turned off service to your room. 28 2 0 1 1 Work, darn you! Replicate me something! 14 1 0 1 99 This button has a period on it. 14 2 0 1 99 1 4 1 1 99 Didn't your mother ever tell you to finish what you've got on your plate before taking more? 1 1 0 1 99 This is a "Mr. Soylent" Food Replicator. Most foods actually aren't replicated, they're sent through miniature wormholes from the Restaurant Universe, a parallel reality where everyone owns a restaurant. 1 1 0 2 99 But some foods aren't worth sending out for, so they're replicated from soylent -- a mixture of soybeans, lentils, flavorings, emulsifiers, binding and surfectant agents, and a secret special ingredient which we won't tell you about lest we shock you senseless with the mind-reeling revelation. 1 2 0 1 1 Replicate! I command thee! 1 2 0 2 99 You have no power here. 30 4 0 1 99 You shouldn't try to open this door by tugging on it. You'll strip the gears, just like you did to the replicator in your quarters. 30 1 0 1 99 This is the Replicator Hatch, a sliding door behind which is hidden the Vortex Resonance Coils and the Molecular Soylentization Generator. 30 2 0 1 1 Open up in there! 25 4 0 1 99 The pipe is slightly chilly. 25 1 0 1 99 This is the Effluvium Outtake Pipe, which shuttles waste and recyclable leftover Soylent back to the Soylent Sludge Reprocessing Tanks on Deck Four. 25 2 0 1 1 Anyone down there in the Soylent Sludge Reprocessing Tanks? Can you hear me? 17 4 0 1 99 17 1 0 1 99 17 2 0 1 99 23 4 0 1 99 You leave a greasy smudge on the screen. One of these days you'll have to wash out that little screen cleaner pad you've been using for the past few months. 23 1 0 1 99 This is the screen used to display the numbers as you enter them. 23 2 0 1 99 26 1 0 1 99 The button has a star on it. It's supposed to be a "last food redial," but it never works correctly. 26 2 0 1 99