The StarCon Aptitude Test is an examination administered to StarCon cadets prior to graduation, and used to determine placement within the StarCon Fleet. A perfect score (as received by Roger Wilco) is extremely rare and merits an immediate commissioning as Captain. Roger cheats by looking at his classmate's answers while avoiding the Proctormatic 9000 anti-cheat droid. Getting caught cheating, failing the test, or failing to complete the test before time expires results in expulsion from the Academy.

Some of the questions relate to future parts of the game, such as sticking a banana up an android's exhaust pipe. This is later done to W-D40.

Questions on the StarCon Aptitude TestEdit

1) Gronko is commanding a Nova Class scoutship when he finds himself face to face with three Horak battle cruisers. He should:Edit

  • A) Surrender in the face of impossible odds.
  • B) Pretend they aren't there.
  • C) Activate his ship's self-destruct sequence.
  • D) Beam over a 'Pick-U-Up' Bouquet
  • E) Reboot.

2) When encountering an alien ship for the first time you should immediately:Edit

3) Before beaming down to an unexplored planet for the first time you should be sure to check:Edit

  • A) To see that your seat belt is fastened and tray tables are locked securely in the upright position.
  • B) Your fly.
  • C) Your life insurance coverage.
  • D) The pfetzer valve in your oxygen mask.
  • E) The planet's atmospheric readings.

4) You're marooned on an alien planet with no weapons and a killer android out for your blood. You should:Edit

  • A) Gather basic ingredients to make gun powder and fashion a cannon from vines and sticks.
  • B) Stuff a banana in its exhaust pipe.
  • C) Drop a big rock on the robot and shout "Hasta la vista, baby!"
  • D) Roll in the mud to camouflage yourself.
  • E) Climb a tree, flap your arms wildly, and scream "Tweet-tweet" at the top of your lungs in order to mimic the mating behavior of the Ruby-throated Arcturan Swinefalcon as a diversionary tactic.

5) You're on an EVA with a partner and you notice his face is turning blue and he is clutching wildly at his throat. This is a sign that:Edit

  • A) You will soon need a new partner.
  • B) In a burst of creative insight, he has created a new dance called the "Moonwalk."
  • C) He is suffering from a vitamin deficiency and needs to eat more leafy green vegatables.
  • D) He fell for the old "golf ball in the airhose" trick.
  • E) A and D.

6) To ensure that your crew's microwave meals are heated adequately and evenly on board your ship you should:Edit

  • A) Wrap everything in aluminum foil.
  • B) Cook each meal at the maximum power setting for 45 minutes.
  • C) Put a live space varmint in with each meal so you can more easily determine when it is done.
  • D) Huck the thing and settle for roasting wieners on the maneuvering jets.
  • E) Inject a radioactive isotope into each piece of food: When it glows, it's ready.

7) If Greeb leaves the Crab Nebula at 32:00 GST (Galactic Standard Time) and travels at 9.75 million ZPM, how long will it take him to reach planet Davicon 5 if he has the solar wind at his back?Edit

  • A) 49.3 Hours
  • B) He will never reach Davicon 5: The solar wind is highly unstable and will blow him off course.
  • C) 3.75 Standard Days
  • D) 49:30 GST
  • E) Never: The neutron star at the center of the Crab Nebula is so massive that Greeb's ship can never reach escape velocity.

8) How fast does light travel through a vacuum?Edit

  • A) 186,000 MPS.
  • B) Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, fast.
  • C) 669,600,000 MPH.
  • D) Depends on whether it's an upright or canister vacuum.

9) What is an example of a "fuzzy boundary?"Edit

  • A) The area in space between two planetary bodies where a smaller third object is not clearly under the gravitational influence of either.
  • B) The event horizon of a super-massive black hole.
  • C) The place where a receding hairline gives way to bare scalp.
  • D) The point at which the marginal utility of trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste from the tube is offset by the opportunity cost of going to the store for a new one.

10) To successfully accomplish a manual molecular reintegration bypass on a standard transporter unit you should:Edit

  • A) Reverse the phase polarity of the interface grid.
  • B) Jiggle the handle.
  • C) Pray fervently to whatever deity you happen to believe in.
  • D) C then B.
  • E) Switch to US Sprint.


The acronym of the test (SAT) is a reference to the SAT, a standard test taken by students (mainly in the United States) prior to entering college.


In the real world, A, B, and C are all correct answers to Question 8.

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